Saturday, October 30, 2010

Out in the World...

I am out in the WORLD!

We are zipping down the highway and the sun is shining and the air is husband is yelling at the just doesn't get any better than this.

I love we are driving along and I get to blog at the same time.

We are headed to Target to use my fifty dollar gift card towards a new curtain rod for the living room. I got the gift card from Boeing for taking the wellness survey. We'll probably go to Walmart and then Publix after Target. I know this doesn't sound like much to you guys but I've been stuck in the house for fifteen days. I'm bustin' out...breakin' free...runnin' loose...well, you get the picture.

We are almost there. I will get back to you guys later.


So...we made it to Target and after a couple of hours there, I felt like a whipped dog.  I found a couple of new hats to wear, a new scarf, the curtain rod I actually went after and a couple of computer games for almost nothing.   Tom found some new sneakers, a computer game that he liked, and we both found a LAP Chill Mat for our computers since they seem to get so hot lately.  (I guess we're just burning them up playing Farmville...HA!)  I think mine is hot because Shadow insists on laying right next to the place where the fan cools it off.  I swear she just lays there and intentionally blocks the outlet.  I love her more than the computer so I usually don't say anything.  She IS 63 in human years so I know it just must feel good to her old bones.

We went on to Walmart and then we were going to go to Publix but after 4 hours out on the town I didn't have anything left to give.  We came on home instead of doing Publix and I made some vegetable soup for us and I feel much better now.  Maybe we will do Publix tomorrow. So much for all that ZIP I had when I started out...LOL.

It's been a really fun day today and we have nacho chips planned for supper tonight so that will be an easy fix.  8-)

I would usually have had my hair/nail appointment today but I had to let Nancy know that there wasn't anything left of my nails to work on.  The chemo has really attacked them this round and both toes and fingers are painful so I guess until all this is over, I don't get to have my fun with Nancy.  She is such a sweetheart.  I apologized to her for not being able to keep the appointment and she said not to be sorry to her.   She felt bad that I was in pain.  I just love that girl.  I hope she'll still have time to work on my hair and nails when I get them all back.

That's about it for now...Hope everyone else is having a great day too!!

Friday, October 29, 2010

The Good Week

So, this what I call "The Good Week". 

This is the third week after chemo.  It is obvious that my white and red cells have regenerated.  My energy level is up and my desire to live has risen as well.  Tom is home today and we've been spring cleaning (even though it is fall) because my allergies have been so bad and because it just needs to be done. 

Since the new curtains have arrived, we also cleaned the living room windows and blinds.  All the windows need cleaning but my energy only goes so far.  HA!  When we're done, all the furniture will be dusted and the floors cleaned.  I always feel so much better when I at least get that much cleaned.  (Yeah, I still have a bit of 'must be clean' phobia...but that's not really so bad, is it?)

Tom is so tolerant of my wants...I say, "Would you like to clean the outside of the living room windows?" and he honestly replies, "No...but I will if that is what you want me to do."   I just adore this guy.   Of course, it isn't enough that he does it, he has to do it MY way.  8-)  Over the years, he has learned this and patiently waits for me to direct.  He has a mind of his own, believe me, but he does pick his battles.  8-)  Of course, sometimes, he forges on with what he THINKS I want done and sometimes I bite my tongue and sometimes I tell him what I really want him to do.  This has always been a sore point between us and I try to bite my tongue more often than not.  During the third week after chemo it is pretty safe for him to forge on because I am actually able to bite my tongue and let him.  Week one or week two after chemo...nope...not so much.  No real control during those weeks so we don't plan on doing much 'together' during that time.  I pretty much hole up as far away from him as I can get so I don't do irreparable damage to our relationship.  He is my life.  I would really HATE to run him off.

This is Thaiday Friday.  Which means it's Friday and we eat Thai tonight.  I'll actually get to taste it this week.  Tomorrow we are going shopping and that will be a fun day.  I still need to find the curtain rod that will fit the living room windows.  We also need to get the regular stuff to survive next week with.  You know....the boring shopping of sundry items and groceries.  Not so boring to me right now.  I get to SEE PEOPLE out in the world.  WHOO WHOO!!  I always hated shopping before but now I just see it as an opportunity to get out of these four walls.

So, this is my Good Week.  I'm definitely going to make the most of it but at the same time follow all the 'clean' routines of washing my hands often and staying out of large congregations of people. 

Remember I talked about our change in health care for next year?  Along with the changes, we have a requirement to do a "Boeing Wellness" survey.  Once you complete the survey, they tell you where your health problems lie.  HA HA HA...I am rolling here.  My one really bad area is stress.  NO KIDDING.  So, I have to go through a 4 week program addressing my stressors.  First stress tip they give me "Be selfish.  No matter how busy you are, set aside at least a few minutes for yourself everyday."  They have no idea.  I am totally selfish right now...don't think that's gonna make a difference.  HA!  How do you get rid of the stressors of Cancer...yeah...they aren't really looking at us as individuals...we are just Dilbert numbers.  Cattle in a cattle feed line.  This is TOO FUNNY.

So, now I am going through the "Learning to react to life stressors in a healthy way" section.  Here are the strategies.

Eating a healthy diet and getting regular exercise and plenty of sleep.
Practicing relaxation techniques
Fostering healthy friendships
Having a sense of humor
Seeking professional counseling when needed

I've covered all of those except the last one.  Since this really is a short term stressor, I think I can make it without bringing in the professionals.  LOL

OK, enough prattling on for today. 

Hope everyone is having a great day!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010


Today is an overcast day outside but everything inside feels good.

I worked out on the treadmill for an hour this morning.  Got all my blood circulating through my body, encouraging it to regenerate the good cells that I need again so I can go fry them in a week.  HA!  It does leave me feeling like I have accomplished something today though and I think that is important.  Every day should have some kind of accomplishment to it.  Otherwise, why am I here?

Next week will be my last Taxotere chemo and I will be halfway done.  Yeah ME!

We finished eating our apple pie and ice cream last night and that was kinda sad.  While I complained that he didn't get the right kind of pie turned out excellent anyway.  YEAH TOM!!  We're having a Mexican casserole tonight which will be yummy.  (See how I go from exercising right to food...HA!)  But no more dessert this week.  I don't want to totally sabotage all the weight we lost last year.

We had two terrible storms hit here yesterday.  (Yeah, I can't believe I'm talking about the weather either.)  They had tornado watches all afternoon and the kids got out of school for half a day.  (Can you believe they get out of school for storms??)  There are leaves and sticks all over the back yard today.  I thought I would put a picture of it in here, but you really can't see the leaves and sticks as much as I thought you would be able to.  I'll put the picture in anyway since I went to all the trouble to go out there and click the picture for you.  I think the leaves are hard to see because the grass is going brown too.  I am looking out my office window and I see the yellow and orange and brown leaves so clearly.  Yeah, I know...why don't I take a picture out of my office window.  Well, I didn't think of it, the batteries are dead, and now I'm too lazy to walk back to the bedroom closet and get more for it.  I'll save that for tomorrow's accomplishment!  HA!!

I was just thinking that this is so much like letter writing in the old days.  Just keeping in touch with what is going on in our lives.  Think about the amazement that might come from someone from the 1800's if they saw this technology.  They waited weeks for letters from loved ones and they rarely had pictures.  How blessed we are (and cursed sometimes, I think) to live in these times of technological advancement.

I was just chatting with a friend online and she was telling me she already has her Christmas shopping done but needs to wrap it all.  HOW WRONG IS THAT?  She was complaining about how she hates to wrap.  I told her I love to wrap...hate to shop.  She says she'll shop for me if I wrap for her.  Sounds like a cool deal except I haven't a clue what I am going to get people this year.  Everyone needs to send me an email with what they want this year.  (  That would be a fine thing to get done soon.  That would be a great accomplishment.  WELL, that would be a bit of a miracle...

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

All Systems are GO!

All systems are 'Go' today.

Temperature - Check

Headache - Check

Neck Pain - Check

Stomach - Check

Energy Level - Check

Hormone Imbalance/Grouchiness - Check

Bone Pain - Check

Tooth Pain - Check

Looks like it is a good day to get something done.  There is a wonderful sweet breeze blowing through the house.  (Shadow insisted I open the windows this morning.  You have no idea how annoyingly she can insist on things being the way SHE wants them.  She has gotten much worse about complaining as she has gotten older.) The breeze in the house smells like the new promise of life.  WONDERFUL!!

Of course, now that most of the windows are open, she picked the guest bedroom where they aren't open to park herself.  She cracks me up!!

That blanket that she is laying on used to be folded perfectly so that I could use it when I got cold (I sit back in that bedroom when my energy is low because I have a computer table in there and I can rest my neck and back while I work.  She decided on Sunday, when I put it out, that it was her blanket and she proceeded to open it up so that she could lay on the underside of it.  I changed all the blankets in there over the weekend to get her cat hair out of the room.  I have to do that periodically.

My new living room curtains (I say new but there haven't ever been any in there before so it isn't like they are replacing existing ones) are arriving today according to an email I got yesterday.  I don't have the rod yet though.  We are DEFINITELY going shopping this weekend for a new rod and maybe some other fun things too.  I'm going to dance in the stores...Just three more days.  I am now on day 13 after my chemo so tomorrow should be the last of the low blood counts and then I'll be free as a bird ready to fly through the rest of the world for a whole week. 

Hope everyone else is having as good a day as I am.  (Hope you guys can keep up with my emotional roller-coaster ride...HA!)

Monday, October 25, 2010

Down Down Down...

I'll admit it.  I'm a little depressed. 

OK, I am crying at the drop of a hat.  I guess I am a lot depressed.  I mean...I am talking to the funniest guy at work and I am sitting there crying.  (He doesn't know he's making me cry...I mean, we are in an Instant Message and he can't see what I'm doing.)  What is up with all the tears?

I still think it is something I can handle without meds though.  I think the fact that this is a getting hard for my husband is making it something I don't want to do anymore.  I don't want to be the reason for him to get down and frustrated.  (Not that I couldn't do that to him without chemo...HA!)  If I could just control the way I react to everything, I think he would feel better and then I would feel better.

So, I know the answer to all this.  Why can't I do it?

If you pray for anything this week, pray that I will temper my responses to Tom and not be so picky about everything.  I have to do better about that.  I need to be strong for him so he can be strong for me. 

I think it is a need to feel in control of something in my life.  I don't feel like I have control of anything.  I called the Surgeon's office this morning to cancel my appointment with the surgeon because I don't want to go through the analyzing of the fluid in the cyst in my left breast.  She says she'll talk to the doctor but he will probably still want to do it.  WHAT IS THAT?  They can't MAKE me do the biopsy.  I tried to explain in the nicest way possible that I DIDN'T WANT the fluid analyzed.  She told me that she is not a medical expert and she would leave that decision up to the doctors to discuss.  (Apparently the surgeon and my cancer doc have to discuss all this before I can really get out of it?)  WHATEVER.  I thought I had a choice.  She also made me promise that I would tell the cancer doctor that I had canceled the appointment.  (I felt like a first grader promising the teacher that I would do my homework.) I have no problem telling the cancer doctor I don't want the fluid analyzed.  I don't even have a problem telling him I've had enough of chemo. 

I got a call from the radiation guy too.  He wants to know if I'm ready to start the radiation.  I told him maybe in January if I'm lucky.  He said they would call back in January.  Boy...nobody wants to miss a piece of this action, huh?  They must hear "CHA-CHING" every time they think of me.  HA!

So, it's kind of a down week but I am going to work on making it a better one.  8-)

Hope everyone is having a great day!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Blogging Defeat

Probably the first sin in blogging is admitting that you have nothing to blog about.


I think I have reached the point where I have come full circle in my chemo cycle and I really have nothing new to tell you about.  Oops. 

I have no life, so there isn't anything exciting going on here.  Well, I did just make up a grocery list for Tom to take to the store...whoo whoo...that was exciting (HEAVY sarcasm here).  Although, I did put something new and exciting on it.  I put the stuff on there to make an apple pie and added vanilla ice cream to it too.  That is my comfort food for this week.

I won't be leaving the house until next weekend and except for bathing our fat cat yesterday, nothing else happened yesterday except for my moaning and groaning about no energy and pain in my body.  Yeah...that's not too good as blog material.  Although, I could have put a picture of my fat wet cat on the blog, I won't embarrass her that way.  8-)

I'm still waiting for my sister to update her blog (She hasn't updated since Sept 5th...and it still has a title of "6 More Days" which references my Niece's wedding which happened on Sept 11th.  My sister's family all have blogs but they are too busy living life to update their  Someday, I'll be there again.  I can't wait.  In the meantime, guys, I am bored and looking for what is going on in your lives.  I am really surprised that my sister didn't put something on her blog about passing her certification to be a Registered Sanitarian!  Hey, you missed an opportunity there.  (Of course, she called me which was way better than reading her blog!)  She's got this genius IQ and, after raising all her children and passing on all her smarts there, she decided to do something else with it.  Yeah, CAROL! 

Of course, my Mom does get her blog updated a couple of times a week so I always know what is going on there.  8-)  She leads such a busy life it makes me tired.  

My  husband was in a bad mood for a nanosecond this morning.  I said something to him, he snapped my head off and I asked him what was wrong (I mostly asked because it really surprised me.  He almost never gets like that and I hadn't done anything this morning to provoke it.  [Well, nothing that my chemo brain could remember, anyway]).  He said nothing and then said that he didn't know.  He must be having house-itis too...HA.  (Or...he could be getting tired of me whining...NAH...that can't be it.  LOL)  I'm glad he's getting out and going shopping.  You know this cancer thing is as hard on Tom as it is on me.  He got over his snappiness pretty quickly though....he is amazing like that.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful day!  It's so beautiful here we're going to grill steaks later today.  8-)