Continued Random Musings

I've always been 'almost' a loner.  I like to be by myself but I also have always liked to have no more than one close friend.  I have lots of acquaintances but only one close friend at a time.  I see this as being 'almost' a loner. 

If I had more than one friend it seemed to get too complicated.

My husband is my closest friend and confidant.  I can tell him anything (although sometimes he pulls out the "TMI" card....[too much information]).  Sometimes I like to tell him too much just to see how far I can go.  (Muh wah wah wah - Evil Laugh)

I have seen on TV shows how they think that 'loners' are nefarious beings...yeah, I'm not so nefarious...just selective.  8-)  When I get my clearance for work, I am always afraid that my lack of friends is going to keep me from getting it but it never has so far so I guess as long as I have a long list of acquaintances then I'm ok.  HA!

One thing I have learned in the last few months is that I am not as much of a loner as I thought I was.

When faced with the isolation that I am currently going through, I find myself even thinking of reaching out to get to know the neighbors.

Then I slap myself silly and move on.  8-)  I like my privacy.  I definitely don't want neighbors running in and out of my house when they feel like visiting.  HA!

I am glad to be connecting with family again though.  It isn't that we didn't connect before...we just didn't connect as much as we are now.  They have become a big support system for me (whether they realize it or not) and I am glad that I can need them right now because I am normally very self-sufficient and un-needy (this is probably another word that isn't a word...) and maybe this makes them feel a little good.  (or not...lol)

(TANGENT WARNING)

I got up to brush my teeth because my mouth tasted all icky after my Starbucks coffee (one of the side affects of the chemo is everything tastes weird) and was thinking that I still needed to get a soft toothbrush so that I would quit making sores in my mouth from the hard one I've got.  I went into the linen closet where extra shampoos and sundry items are kept and lo and behold I found a SOFT TOOTHBRUSH.  (Sorry, Tom, this was probably yours because it had our dentist's name on it and I never get one when I go because I like the ones I usually buy)  How cool is THAT?  So I got to brush my teeth with a nice soft toothbrush and it was like getting an early Christmas present. 

(BACK ON TRACK WARNING)

OK, I lied...I have no idea how to get back to that original thought.  HA!

I have this feeling that they upped my chemo treatment dosage this time.  I am having much more severe reactions to it so my paranoia is kicking in.  They had asked me before my treatments if I was having bone pain and I explained that since they didn't give me Neulasta last time that I didn't have bone pain.  He seemed to find that hard to believe.  He said the Taxotere should have caused some bone pain.  I'm thinking "So, it didn't...isn't that ok?" but I'm just looking at him and not saying anything else.  Now I have the bone pain all the time for the last few days.  Maybe he wasn't going to be happy until I had bone pain so he upped my dose.  I guess it could just be that my bones are now damaged enough after the third dose to hurt.  Ah...one of the many things we'll never really know the answer to.  I am also WAY more tired than the other two times.  I just want to lay my widdle bald head down and sleep all the time but there is too much to get done to waste time with that.  8-}

Hope everyone is having a great day!  Looks like the rest of my day is filled with 'work related' meetings.

Ugh.