Moving Right Along

I went into this chemo treatment with a brand new mindset.  I decided I was going to stay as 'positive' and upbeat as I possibly could during the first few days so that maybe it would lessen the spousal abuse that comes from the treatments. 

This worked to a great degree, I think...you'd have to ask my husband to get the real story, I would guess. (Since this is only my perspective which may be a little skewed.  HA!)

Of course, this is the last of the taxotere treatments so that may have something to do with my ability to fight off the depression and frustration that comes with each treatment.  I was talking to my sister this morning and she said that her husband (who has also been battling cancer for several years) would make the statement to the effect of "Why is everyone else so annoying when I am on chemo?" which explains EXACTLY how I feel during the first few days after treatment.  It is like everyone looks for the last nerve that I have left and they take a sledgehammer to it.  LOL  We don't think it is us...we think EVERYONE ELSE is the problem.  It really is funny after it is over and you look back at it but not so much when you're going through it.  Probably not so funny, even after it is over, to the spouses.  :-}

I was having the usual neck pain yesterday that has tormented me since the beginning of chemo.  Yeah, this wasn't anyone being a pain in the neck...it was real neck pain.  I told my husband that I could see why people will pay $60 for a massage while they are going through chemo.  He said he would give me one for free so we proceeded back to the bedroom so I could lay down and he could try to relieve my pain.  WOW...what a difference.  It took my grumpiness totally away.  So, every couple of hours, he would massage my shoulders to give me relief.  I tried to tell him that he needed to stay home from work today and just give me massages all day.  (This is the first relief I've had from neck pain in months.)  But, alas, he had to go into work and I will just be waiting here like a drug addict to get my massage when he gets home....LOL.

Another thing that is a bit of work, because of the chemo, is laundry.  I have to wash all our clothes separately because if I wash them together then he could end up with my chemo on his clothes which would transfer to his body when he wears them.  I have to wash sheets and towels separately as well.  This was one of the first things they cautioned us about.  I also clean off any furniture that I sit on, he can't use the same bathroom...the list goes on and on.  So far, the precautions are working really well. 

I get to chat a lot more with my Mom and my Sister because I work from home now.  I think we are all enjoying this ability and it will be sad when I get thrown back into the hectic pace of the office and am unable to contact them so much anymore.  But for now, I am enjoying the contact and I know they are a lot busier than I am so I try not to be too needy. 8-)

When all this is over, I would really like to take what I've learned from this experience and help others that are going through it.  I'm not sure how yet, but I think I could make a difference to those that are suffering.  It's funny...others have offered to help in any way possible and I'm not good at asking for help or even taking it when offered but I love giving it.  I had a friend tell me that she thought I might be going through this so I could help someone else down the road.  I guess like the "Pay It Forward" theory.  It would be good if there were a purpose to all this.  8-)  I'm not sure doing the coffee cart at the cancer center would be enough...I could care less about the coffee cart when they bring it around but the conversation of hope that I got from the coffee cart lady (Lauren) was immeasurable so maybe helping with the coffee cart isn't so much about the food stuffs but the reaching out.  I could do that but would everyone that is going through chemo going to be receptive to my prattling about my experiences?  I'll continue to muddle through these thought processes and maybe in 11 weeks, when this is all over, I'll have an answer.  Pray for God to open a door where I can serve with the knowledge I've obtained.