Who Am I?

I was looking through the 'My Documents' folder on my computer this morning.  Such a random tangle of things.  There are letters to people (some that I never even sent...that's pretty typical), medical analysis that I had done, Donna Word's eulogy to my dad, stuff about our daughter, Myranda (who died in 2007 of Cystic Fibrosis), a standing grocery list to make shopping easier, a list of groceries that were in our freezer at one time (HA, lots of use for that now), a weight chart, and a "Who Am I" document that I started when I was feeling my mortality for some unknown reason last December.   

I guess today, if anyone dies, you can just look in their "My Documents" folder to see what threads were parts of their daily lives.

My "Who Am I" document talked about all the jobs I've held in my lifetime, my children, and where I came from.  But all of that still doesn't tell who I am.  Some days, I still don't think I know who I am.  We are just an amalgamation of all of our life experiences, I believe.  We are what God makes us into if we have followed His direction and path all of our lives.  We also become what the people around us shape us into.  If they are untrustworthy then we fear to trust.  If they are loving and giving, then we develop kinder traits.

Well, you get the idea.  The simplest thing can change us for our entire lives.

I remember, when I was five, my parents were divorced.  When my father was leaving us at my grandparents, I remember that I had been playing in the dirt and was really a mess (apparently) because I ran over to give my father a good-bye hug and he said I was too dirty to hug.  Since that time, I've been fastidious about cleanliness.  I am sure that he never gave that comment another thought but it changed me forever.  I always felt that to be accepted, I had to keep everything clean and in order.  I had to always be ready for any hug that might be given.

I'm pretty much over that now...lol.  You can ask my husband....I have become much more relaxed.  I only have to clean the house once a week now.  8-)  His constant acceptance of who I am (no matter what state I am in) has changed the damage that my father inflicted. 

Well, it's time to go clean the bathrooms now.  8-)  HA!