Despair, Grace, and Conversion

Each day after chemo has it's own challenges.  This is day 4 and it is always one of the hardest.  It is a bit like slogging through molasses.  It was very difficult to wake up but I knew I had to because my temp was up because I was dehydrated.  I'm not quite sure how to avoid this because I have to sleep and don't drink while I'm doing that so, of course, the body gets dehydrated.  

Tom and I are connected with a messaging tool when he is on the other side of the house (on his computer) and I sent him a 'help' message this morning so he could get me kick started.  (My computer is back here in the master bedroom on a bedside tray table so all I have to do is reach over and roll it to me.)  He gets me Tylenol and water and then works on getting me some toast for breakfast.  He got his shower and then the dentist called to say they had a cancellation and asked if he could come early.  So, he is off to his dental and I am trying to stay awake so I figured blogging was a good way to do that. 

The past three days have been normal for this type of chemo.  No surprises...which is always good.  We only have one more treatment to go and then (I believe) the worst of this is over. 

I was touched profoundly by the Max Lucado reading today.  I have felt the despair and I have felt the Grace that saved me from despair.  Max captured it perfectly.   I'll share it with you.

"Meet the God of Encouragement

By Max Lucado

Has it been a while since you stared at the heavens in speechless amazement? 

Has it been a while since you realized God’s divinity and your carnality?

If it has, then you need to know something. He is still there. He hasn’t left. Under all those papers and books and reports and years. In the midst of all those voices and faces and memories and pictures, he is still there.

Do yourself a favor. Stand before him again. Or, better, allow him to stand before you. Go into your upper room and wait. Wait until he comes. And when he appears, don’t leave. Run your fingers over his feet. Place your hand in the pierced side. And look into those eyes. Those same eyes that melted the gates of hell and sent the demons scurrying and Satan running. Look at them as they look at you. You’ll never be the same.

A man is never the same after he simultaneously sees his utter despair and Christ’s unbending grace. To see the despair without the grace is suicidal. To see the grace without the despair is upper room futility.  But to see them both is conversion.

Come meet the God of encouragement. He loves you. He never gives up on you, especially when life is hard, because he has been there. The hand that reaches out to comfort you is a pierced one."

I have seen despair through these trials but I have also seen the Grace that God has given to carry me through them.  How amazing is it that He loves me?!

By Grace Alone -