Everyone says Cancer changes you.
I don't think it is the Cancer so much that changes you but God changes your heart as you go through Cancer.
So I want to journal how I think I have changed and I will look back on this in a year and see if I have kept these changed qualities or if my sinful nature has taken back over these positive changes. (I sure hope it doesn't because I like this 'me' much better.)
I lost a lot of my prideful nature. I am no longer wearing hats to cover my very short hair. I HAVE hair which is more than I had a few months ago. I've never been 'model' beautiful but I could cover up the lack of beauty before with hair. 8-) I'm not so concerned with being 'beautiful' anymore. I am now concerned with being 'alive'. 8-)
I find myself wanting to talk to people, to get to know them...I was more of a loner before Cancer.
I find myself being more tolerant of others. So people aren't perfect...I am over caring whether they are perfect or not. I am learning to look beyond their flaws and see more of the inner person that God created for me to enjoy.
I no longer look to other people for 'acceptance'...I think because of my own father's rejection of me as a child (in my mind...probably not in reality) I was always looking for others to accept me and if they accepted me then I was 'ok'. I now realize more than ever that it doesn't matter if others accept me or not, God accepted me just as I am (sinful nature and all) and because of this, I can accept myself.
I have always been thankful for my time with my husband but it has become even more precious since going through Cancer because we never know when one of us might be taken away to be with God. (Which would obviously be more glorious than being together but one of us would be left to wait for the time when we would be together again in heaven.)
I am more relaxed about 'stuff' than I used to be. I can remember a time when I could not stand to go to bed if anything in the house was out of place. No problem now. Things around me don't have to be 'perfect'. Don't get me wrong...I like clean and organized, but the world won't end if it isn't. (Of course, the effexor may be part of the reason for this change...HA!)
Those are some of the most obvious changes in myself. It will definitely be interesting to look back on this in a year and see what 'took' and whether or not I reverted back to my basic nature. 8-)
By Grace Alone -
Teresa
I didn't know the "old" you, nor have I met the "new" you; however, I like the route you are taking!! Your outlook sounds just a whole lot like your Mom's (which is such an inspiration to her blog followers). Keep the faith...you can and will do it! :-)
ReplyDeleteElaine
Hey, Babe...What a really sweet blog posting today. Yes, others can see the change, I am sure. You have always been precious and dear to me. Thank you so much for sharing how you are feeling and changing. It will certainly be inspiring to those who read your posts, and is very endearing. Thank you. Loven' youn's forever, Mom.
ReplyDeleteHi Elaine...welcome to the world according to Teresa...(big grin). So glad you could join us. Yeah, my Mom is pretty amazing.
ReplyDeleteI think your comment hits the nail on the head...it's not so much that cancer changes you, as that God changes your heart through cancer. When HE does the changing, it is real and true. What I see in you is real and true. The greatest 9and most treasured by me personally) change is that you have allowed yourself to need others. You've let us come alongside you and comfort and encourage you. You're gold, sis! I love you!
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