A Time for Everything

Solomon asked God for Wisdom and was given his request.   Every time I read Ecclesiastes, I always remember that ignorance is bliss.  It didn't seem that Solomon was always happy about what he learned through his wisdom.  It opened up to him his own failings in his life.  Much like parents try to forwarn their children of possible pitfalls in their lives, he tries to teach us in this book how to avoid those pitfalls.  He makes it sound tremendously easy.  "Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.  For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil."  (Ecclesiastes 12: 13, 14 LAB)  Wow...sounds so simple but it is so amazingly difficult.  Get thee behind me sinful nature.  8-)

Ecclesiastes has always been one of my favorite books in the bible.  Over and over, Solomon tells us that toiling is meaningless throughout these scriptures.  Only pleasing God will satisfy man (or woman).  He also tells us that there is a time for everything...

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1 KJV)

The time for this blog is over.  This season has passed.  It has been a wonderful therapeutic tool.  During my time of tears and frustration, God provided this as an outlet to help me deal emotionally with all that transpired through the cancer removing process. 

You have ALL been wonderful listeners, encouragers, and sympathizers.  I could not have asked for a more supporting audience.  I didn't start it wanting an audience, but you all became very important to my healing process.  God knew what I needed and provided it.

It is now time to move on with my life and put this portion of it behind me.  I know that I am not considered to be in remission yet, but I am not going to worry over what the future might hold but am going to go out there and live it now and hopefully glorify God in the process. Through God's Grace, I am a survivor.

May you all find God and the peace that follows in your daily lives.  8-)

By Grace Alone -

- T

Management Styles

My boss has changed.

He used to be really pushy.  Kind of a bully actually.  My plate would be full and he would pile someone else's work on top of what was already there and never take no for an answer.  Now if I push back in the slightest, he says, "OK...no problem."  I thought it was just because I had been doing chemo but that's all over and others have noticed the change in him also. 

This morning, he came into my office and plops down in one of my chairs and I think "Oh boy...the only time he visits is when he wants something."  He starts off with small talk and we chat for a little while and then he asks me if I'll go to his boss's meeting for him tomorrow.  I say sure...and ask if I have to make slides for it.  He says he'll send them to me.  Then we start talking about the this meeting that is usually led by our team every other week and he wonders when we had the last one.  I said it had been a few weeks.  He wants to know if I would take leading that meeting over from Mike.  I'm like "unh unh...no way....that one is Mike's."  Normally, he would argue with me about it and then force it down my throat.  He likes to give me stuff because he knows it will get done.  I get tired of doing everyone's job when they drop the ball.  This time he just says, "Ok, I'll talk to Mike about it."

An interesting point to make here is that there are a lot of layoffs going on at our site and while my job is pretty secure because I am the only one of my kind, he and my other boss would be vying for the same position if layoffs came in our department.  The other manager is the really nice one...he is SO good at what I call 'smoozing'.  He asks you to do something in such a nice way that you're almost begging him for the privilege before you leave his office.  We all agree that we want to work for that manager.  8-)  Maybe my manager is working on his people skills so he doesn't lose his job?  Who knows...for whatever reason, I'll take the relief.

Hope everyone is having a great day!

By Grace Alone -

- T

Love is a Fruit...

We had a really nice weekend.  It is wonderful to be doing fun things again.  8-)

Saturday evening we went to Florence (about 45 minutes from home) and ate at Texas Roadhouse.  This is absolutely my favorite place to get a good steak.  We accomplished our Walmart shopping that afternoon. 

We also saw the movie Unstoppable.  Great action packed movie.  My son BJ would love it.  For me it's a love/hate relationship because I find myself drawing my legs up to my chest and telling them what they should be doing while my eyes shut until the scary part ends.  Denzel Washington is in it and he is one of my favorite actors.

Speaking of BJ, I got to talk to him this weekend.  He has been moving from on base housing to off base housing so he was pretty whipped when I was talking to him but he is doing well.

Sunday was a total relax day.  I was feeling a little run down on Sunday so we took it easy.  I tried to figure out how to add music to my blog but it is a convoluted process and finally just said, "ACK...too much trouble"...and closed the browser.  I find myself avoiding stressful things these days.  Why work myself up over something when it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.  I wanted to put the song 'Above All' by Lenny LeBlanc as the background music to my blog but since I didn't feel like taking the time to figure out how to do it...that didn't get done.

Tom had copied all his CDs over to his computer and transferred them to his Ipod and then showed me how to do the same so we did get that done this weekend and now I can listen to all my favorite music at work.

My friend Terrie is going to walk in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer.  She will be walking 39 miles in two days and is currently in training to achieve this goal.  She is pretty amazing!  For anyone that is interested in this event, here is the website.  Avon Walk for Breast Cancer

Here is the Max for today...may The Spirit produce these attributes in all of us!  

"Love is a Fruit

By Max Lucado

 

“The Spirit produces the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” Galatians 5:22

Love is a fruit. A fruit of whom? Of your hard work? Of your deep faith? Of your rigorous resolve? No. Love is a fruit of the Spirit of God. “The Spirit produces the fruit of love” (Gal. 5:22, NCV)."

By Grace Alone -

- T

More Ramblings...

(I got to shave my legs today.)  I whispered that for anyone that might find that a sensitive subject.  8-)  Of course, we spend all our adult lives thinking what a chore it is but I found it very exciting that I had even grown hair on my legs.  Whoo Whoo!!  Count your blessings, ladies!

I did a lot of other things today also, like cleaning off my disaster of a desk (at home).  Oh my...it had really piled up.  I also made us some of the Quesadilla Chicken Soup for lunch.  I love to make a big batch of it and then take a cup with me to work for lunch everyday.  I have no problem eating the same thing for lunch all week.  Some might think "BORING" but I like routines and as long as it is something I really like, I can eat it every day.  We also finished the laundry today.  

I'm sitting here with my Eminence facial drying on my face and maybe after I get done with that we will go out shopping.  I can't think of anything major that we need but just the regular weekly shopping needs to be done.

It has gotten into the high sixties outside today and the birds are singing and Shadow is sleeping in the sun.  See cat below...what a life...

Here is a little Max for you for today.  When I'm feeling a little out of step with (and maybe different than) the rest of the world, it is always good to know that I am in step with Jesus no matter what.  8-) 

"You Have a Place With Him

By Max Lucado

“The blind receive sight, the lame walk; those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear.”  Matthew 11:5 NIV

None were more shunned by their culture than the blind, the lame, the lepers, and the deaf. They had no place. No name. No value. Canker sores on the culture. Excess baggage on the side of the road. But those whom the people called trash, Jesus called treasures." 

By Grace Alone -

- T

Recipe Day

Those of you who know me, understand that I don't LOVE cooking but can do so when I need to.  8-)  This blog will NEVER be dedicated to cooking so don't get all excited that there is a recipe coming out of it and expect more....LOL.

A friend of mine (Terrie) asked me to post this really good soup recipe that I invented while on chemo so here you go, Terrie.  Terrie and I named it together today.  8-)  It is very easy to fix if you're wanting a quick and delicious soup to warm your tummy.

Quesadilla Chicken Soup

Ingredients:

2 14-15 oz cans of Diced Tomatoes (seasoned with basil, oregano, and garlic...it comes already seasoned)
3 boneless chicken thighs
1 small can rotel tomatoes
Half of a large bag of mixed vegetables (your choice what the mix is)
12 oz cubed velveeta cheese
~2 cups water

In large pot, put the diced tomatoes, rotel tomatoes, chicken and water and bring to a boil. 
Cover and simmer for 40 minutes (or until chicken is tender)
Remove chicken and cut into small pieces then put back in pot
Add mixed vegetables and bring back to boil. Cover and simmer for 10 minutes.
Add cubed velvetta cheese and stir until melted in.  Bring to a boil stirring constantly and serve immediately.

Enjoy!

By Grace Alone -

- T

Small Acts of Kindness Are Remembered

My sister asked about the helicopter on the bookcase in my office.  There is kind of an interesting story behind it. 

The gentleman that gave it to me was someone I worked with back in 1997 when I started with Boeing as a writer.  He took a particular 'shine' to me for some unknown reason.  He was in his 60's at the time and was heading towards retirement.  His name was Gene and he had a strong case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  He would come into work at precisely 7:00 every morning.  Not a minute sooner or later.  He would proceed to sit down at his desk and work diligently until exactly 9:00 and then he would take a ten minute break and come into my office (it was next to his) and chat with me for exactly 10 minutes.  He would tell me all kinds of adventures that he had had in his lifetime.  Then after ten minutes he would go back to work until 10:50 when he would go to the fridge and get his sandwich and soda.  He would put his sandwich on his monitor (we used to have big CRT monitors) to warm it up.  He would continue to work until exactly 11:00.  Then he would proceed to eat his sandwich, drink his soda and then go and take a walk.  While he was out walking, I would proceed to rearrange everything on his desk and he would come back and take a nap from 11:30 until 12:00.  At exactly 12:00 he would wake up (with no alarm...I would guess he was just resting his eyes and not really sleeping) and put all of his desk articles exactly where they belonged before I rearranged them and go back to work until 2:00 when he would come back into my office and chat with me for 15 minutes.  Then at precisely 2:15, he would go back to work and work until 4:00 when he would leave for the day. 

We worked together like this for about a year and then he decided to move back to California where he was originally from and eventually retire there.  Before  he left, he asked me if he could have this little silly toy that I kept on my desk (see...I've always had toys of some kind on my desk for people to play with).  It was a little girl on roller skates with braids in her hair and you could pull on the strings on her body and they were all rubbery.  He said he'd like to trade it for this helicopter that he had that I always liked to play with when I visited him.  (It plays 'Happy Days are Here Again' when you wind up the propellers.)  I told him that I didn't think it was a fair trade but he assured me that it was.  So we traded and I have always had it on display in my office.

Once, when I was sick with a cold, he walked in the Florida heat to the pharmacy to get me some cold medicine when I didn't have enough sick leave to take off and go home.  When we were all put into this huge room in cubicles, he fought management against them putting the copier near my cube so that I would have a quiet place to work.  I don't know if he is still alive or not but I am sure he is retired and enjoying life to the fullest.  It will always be the small acts of kindness that I remember from him. 

By Grace Alone -

- T

Life Has an Easy Rhythm

Life has settled back into an easy rhythm. 

I remember now how to get ready for work and get there on time.  (Sounds like it should be easy but that was the hardest part of going back to work.)

I have balanced the grocery shopping, cooking, and having fun after work to an acceptable level.  Not so much Farmville anymore...priorities have shifted.    Sorry Farmville friends...I don't have unlimited time anymore to visit you everyday like I was.  I'll still try to get in there on the weekends though and fertilize your crops and check for eggs in your henhouse.  (grin)

Radiation treatments have become part of my daily life on Mondays thru Fridays (The doctor assures me that cancer doesn't grow on the weekends...HA!) and there is still no pain associated with those treatments.  I was worried about shoulder pain because my sister's friend had said that was the worst of it but I am having no problems with that.  I am probably laying with my arm over my head for a maximum of five minutes so it really isn't a big deal.  They only radiate for a total of 2 minutes.

I'm glad they got the chemo out of the way first.  I always do hard chores first and then work my way to the easier ones so they played right into the way that I would have planned it.  8-)

I actually have little stubbles of hair growing out of my head now so I feel great hope that I will eventually have my full head of hair back...8-)  Hope is such a wonderful thing.  I will be so glad to burn all these hats that I am currently wearing to cover my widdle bald head. 

My energy levels are even better now than they were before the cancer was discovered.  I can go and do anything I feel like doing now and I don't get winded or tired at all.  I can't remember when I felt this good last.  Now I just have to start fitting the treadmill into each day (somewhere).  If I could wake up an hour earlier in the morning, I could fit it on that end of the day but I already wake up at 5 in the morning...not sure my body would like 4:00.  I may have to wait on that until after the radiation treatments are over in 5 and a half weeks.

Tom and I are trying to decide what to do with our vacation time this year.  In June, I'll reach my max vacation that I can store away so I'll need to start taking some then (because I lose it if I don't use it) but I'm not sure I'll have hair that is acceptable by then.   It has been 6 weeks since the last chemo and I only have stubble...maybe it will start picking up the pace now that the follicles are healing.  We would like to go up and see Tom's sister, maybe see BJ for a bit, and I'd also like to see my Mom and Sister but all of them live in three distant areas of the US so we can't do all of them in one trip.  We'll have to make that decision in the next few months. 

Here is a little Max for today.  It is so good to know that God is unchanging, uncaused, and ungoverned.  Knowing that he is in control of things just lets me rest easy without worry.

"An Ungoverned God


By Max Lucado

“God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.” I John 3:20

You and I are governed. The weather determines what we wear. The terrain tells us how to travel . . .

God—our Shepherd—doesn’t check the weather; He makes it. He doesn’t defy gravity; He created it.

God is what He is. What He has always been. God is Yahweh—an unchanging God, an uncaused God, and an ungoverned God."

By Grace Alone -

- T

Back at Work

As I've said...I'm back at work.  I thought you might like to see my office.  Unfortunately, it will be pictures of pieces of my office since I can't seem to get it all into one picture.  It isn't as neat and uncluttered as my home office.  Things are a lot more frantic here and it seems that organizing always gets shoved to the bottom of the pile of things to do...HA!


These are things that remind me of others and they give fidgety people something to play with when they're sitting in my office.  Toys are important.  8-)



This is where I sit and work all day long when I'm in my office.

The rest of my desk....You can see my brain under the hutch (all those little stickies to remind me of things).  That is a little space heater underneath my desk that I don't need so much right now due to very good internal heating going on.  8-)





Just another view of my desk....blah blah blah...





The bookcase I need to clean up.   Mom...you'll recognise that "Teresa" plaque from the Greek Festival. 

Okay, I have to get back to work now...hope everyone is having a great day!

By Grace Alone -

- T


God Hurts With You...

Life is getting back to normal.  Probably even better than normal.  8-)

We ventured out yesterday after all mundane things were taken care of at the house.  (Which, by the way, is NO LONGER MY PRISON...)  

We decided to go to the Bridgestreet Mall and see what Coldwater Creek had that was new.  I can always use new clothes...HA!  That was our original mission.  Funny how things never finish up the way you start them.  I love the Bridgestreet Mall because it isn't an indoor mall, it is all out doors, kind of like you would imagine a Mainstreet Shopping experience in the olden days might have been.  There is a place there for children to play in the water (yeah, there weren't any doing that yesterday...although, the temperature was in the 60's and was quite nice, still not nice enough for kids to be playing outside in water.)  There is actually a bridge on the street that runs over a flowing stream of water.  (Hence the naming of the Mall)  t really is done quite nicely.

Anyway...we went straight to CC and I found a new jacket and some sweaters and ordered some of the pants that I love so much.  Then we decided to go to P.F. Chang's to eat.  Tom loves oriental food and I like it pretty well too.   

But...on the way...we saw the Apple store and I thought Tom might enjoy stopping in there and browsing around so I asked him if he wanted to stop.  I could see the wheels in his little head turning and he said, "Sure!"  So we went in and started looking at the iPod Touches.  We already have iPads but the iPod Touches are really neat...they are actually thinner than the iPod Phone and would be much less bulk to carry around to the doctor's office than the iPad.  (There were lots of reasons to go in this direction beyond these but I won't bore you with ALL of it...)  We give ourselves an allowance every week and neither one of us had touched it in months and we thought this might be a fun celebratory gift for being done with chemo.  (Yeah, whatever rationalization works for a new toy, right?)  So we spent about an hour and a half in that store getting the iPods and all the accessories.  We also bought a new mail system for them so that we can synchronize all our mail between our PCs and our iPods.  That has been quite an issue with the iPads because if you delete your mail on your PC, then it still exists on the iPad and that is one of my major gripes with the mail program.  They could do a lot of things better with the mail program on the iPad. 

So, after that, we moved on to P.F. Chang's and had what we both thought was kind of a disappointing meal.  I would have just thought it was my taste buds post chemo but Tom said he was disappointed also.  We decided we wouldn't eat there again in the future.  (Hopefully, we'll remember that next time we think we want to eat there...HA)

By the time we got home, about 5 hours after our trip out began, I wasn't even tired.  It is REALLY good to do fun things again and still feel human after they are finished.  8-)  

Here is a picture of Tom taken with my iPod...it has really good resolution.  I took some pictures of moving cars and they were clear as a bell too.

My Honey!

Here is the Max for today...this truth reaches all levels of my heart.  8-)   Through all that I have suffered, God has been right there hurting with me and carrying me through it.

"He’s Here

By Max Lucado

 

“The moment I called out, you stepped in; you made my life large with strength.”  Psalm 138:3, The Message 

Where is God when we hurt? Where is he when sleep won’t come? Where is he when we awaken in a hospital bed with pain that won’t subside? He’s right here! He hung on the gallows to prove once and for all, with pierced hands and blood-stained face—that he’s here—that he didn’t create the hurt, but he came to take it away.  When you hurt, God hurts with you."

By Grace Alone -

- T

Current Ramblings...

It has been a busy week and I just realized that I hadn't told how my MUGA scan came out yet.  Anything over 50% output is considered good and mine was 74% so we don't have to worry about excessive heart damage.  YEAH!  My doctor believes I just need to cut back on my salt intake so that is the route we are going for the swelling problem.  I am good with that.  8-)  I hate the way they just jump immediately to the worst possible problem and then work backwards to the easiest solution.  I mean...even if there had been heart damage from the Adriamycin, what were they going to do?  LOL.

I went into my actual office for the first time since July on Tuesday.  I had a dental and then went in around 11:30.  I met Kathy at the entrance to my building (she was heading out for a meeting and we just ran into each other) and I'm glad it was her because I just started bawling like a baby I was so glad to see one of the people that I work with.  It is funny how the emotions just overwhelm me sometimes.  Everyone was giving me hugs as they saw me in my office and saying how glad they were that I was back.  We joked about my bald widdle head and just moved on with business.  It was really great to be back. 

I worked my first full day on Wednesday and had to walk the half mile from my car to my office, then at 9 I had an executive meeting in another building which is about a mile and a half from where I was able to park and then I went back to my building and walked the other half mile so by the end of the day I had walked about 5 miles getting to and from buildings.  I was BEAT, I can tell you when that day was over.  I was looking longingly at my bed when I got home.

I found that I have a whole new attitude about work and being at work now.  I find joy in just being able to be there and do all the things that I haven't been physically able to do in the last seven months.  God has given me a real attitude adjustment.  I find myself smiling all day long.  I sent out a string of audit emails to all the programs this morning and my boss sends me an email and says, "How's it going Tiger?".  I went laughing into his office and told him I was just doing what he paid me for and to quick picking on me.  8-)

Radiation has been painless.  I walk into the radiation area and scan my badge (they give you a badge to scan so they know you  have arrived) and go to the changing rooms and get into a gown.  Then I sit for about a minute in the waiting area and they take me back.  I take my right arm out of the sleeve, remove my hat and glasses, climb up on the table and lay in the cast they made for me.  They line me up to the machine (it takes three of them working to get me lined up just so) and then they spend 2 minutes radiating me.  Yup...only 2 minutes.  Takes longer to set me up than it does to do the radiation.  The doctor told me yesterday (I see him once a week during radiation) that it has a cumulative effect and while I have no side effects now, he expects me to feel some fatigue and irritation to my breast somewhere around week 3.  I just say, "Bring it on...it can't be worse than chemo...I can handle it." 

My mom has had a rough week with shingles...keep her in your prayers...she is keeping to herself so she doesn't spread them and I am concerned that she is alone too much.  I know how easy it is to fall into the isolation mode and then you have to motivate yourself to get out and around people again.  The weather is so beautiful right now...I'd like to hear that she is getting out there and enjoying it.  8-)

A little Max for today....Amen and Amen.  Wise words for we sinners.  8-)

"More Than Forgiveness

By Max Lucado

“This is my commitment to my people: removal of their sins.” Romans 11:27, The Message

God does more than forgive our mistakes; he removes them! We simply have to take them to him.

He not only wants the mistakes we’ve made. He wants the ones we are making. Are you making some? . . .
If so, don’t pretend nothing is wrong . . . Go first to God. The first step after a stumble must be in the direction of the cross."

By Grace Alone -

- T

Busy High Energy Day

Yesterday was definitely a busy day.   I can honestly say that I have more energy right now than I did before all this started.  (My feet have been dragging for the last couple of years and never really knew why.)  I think I was feeling the pressure of getting everything done yesterday before I physically go back to work on Tuesday. 

Yesterday:

1)  We hung new curtains in the bedroom
2)  We put in a new towel rack in the laundry room
3)  We hung a new wall hanging over the couch in the living room
4)  I ironed all my clothes for work next week (yuck, I have to start dressing up again...)
5)  I ironed the new wall hanging and the new curtains
6)  I made homemade soup for lunch
7)  I made some yummy homemade brownies using the pan like I got Carol for Christmas that separates each brownie into individual pieces so you don't even have to cut them.  We ate one after supper and I sent the rest with Tom to share with his coworkers.  Too many calories to keep them here.  8-)
7)  I washed my car (Tom helped me set up the hoses since the one by the driveway was all frozen...)
8)  We cooked supper

And then we rested the rest of the day...HA.

Here are some pictures of the beautiful brownies and the new wall hanging in the living room.  At Tom's workplace they have some kind of paper that allows people to sell stuff they don't want anymore.  He found this wall hanging for sale for $25.  It is a woven hanging and the colors went very well with the living room.    And yes...that throne sitting between our seats on the couch belongs to Queen Shadow.  She perches there every evening as we watch TV before bedtime.

OH and to continue the saga of the game Tom was trying to download and play...he got it working yesterday and actually got to play for a while.  8-)  The disk he bought at Walmart actually worked once he uninstalled the downloaded version.  Whew...I was SO GLAD it worked for him.

By Grace Alone -

- T

MUGA Scan

Well, I can now officially say that I've had a MUGA scan.  I don't know what the results are yet but I've done it.  I used my most endearing ways to try to wheedle the results out of the technician that did the scan but she just accused me of trying to make her lose her job.  Whatever.  I can wait until Monday...more patience taught by God.  YES, I am teachable.  8-)

The first thing they do with a MUGA scan is put in an IV.  I couldn't believe they couldn't use my port but sure enough, they couldn't.  The technician said the port is just over the heart and if they inject the radiation tagged blood in there that they'll get a 'yucky' picture.  Yup, that was the technical term for the problem with using the port.  A 'YUCKY' picture.  I guess that was the start of the deterioration of the relationship between the technician and myself.  So, she stuck me.  Actually, I didn't feel anything when she stuck me so it was not a big deal when it was all done.  Then they draw some blood out and take it to be 'tagged' with a some radiation material.  Then they inject the radiation tagged blood in through the IV and remove the IV.  After that they take you back to a room to lie down while they take pictures of your heart as the tagged blood travels through it.  

After doing some research on the internet, it looks like before they started the adriamycin, they should have done a MUGA scan to get a baseline reading of my heart and then checked it periodically between each chemotherapy dose to make sure that the chemo wasn't causing problems with the heart.  None of that was done so here we are.  Hopefully, the doctor will be wrong and it won't be my heart causing the lack of circulation in my legs and feet. 

Tom and I did our usual Saturday shopping today.  It is REALLY nice to be able to get out and about again and doing so to just be the 'norm'.  8-)  We went to Cheddar's for an early lunch first and I got some great Chicken Taco Soup and he got the Talapia and rice. For dessert we shared a Hot Apple Pie ala mode.  Yummy.  8-)  We followed all that food with a run out to see Nancy who was holding onto some lotion that she had given me last week during my beauty treatments (that I had forgotten to take with me).  This lotion smells absolutely yummy and since I liked it so much, she just gave it to me.  She is like that...what a sweetheart.  Once I had told her how much I liked a pair of earrings that she was wearing and the next thing I know, she bought me a pair that was very similar. We finished our shopping at WalMart and then Publix and now we are home ready to relax.

For Tom's birthday, he bought himself a game that was part of a series that he and BJ used to play together.  He had tried to download it but when he tried to install it, he kept getting errors and it wouldn't load.  He sent an email to the EA Company but never got a response.  He found someone to 'live' chat with today and they sent him to a different link to get the download manager.  He went there, followed all their directions and started the download while we were out shopping.  He found an actual disk copy of the game at Walmart so we bought that just in case the download didn't work.  Well, we got home and it had downloaded but there was a new set of errors that he was getting.  So, he tried to install the disk copy and got even different errors.  Now he is working on uninstalling the download copy and the download manager and then rebooting and running the tuneup utilities program to get any extraneous registry entries out and then he will try install fresh from the disk copy.  What a frustrating thing just to play a game.  Poor guy...he and BJ loved this game.  I hope this works for him.  He deserves some fun after all the months of care taking he has been doing.

A little Max for today...May we all experience the true blessedness that come from repentance!

"True Blessedness

By Max Lucado

 

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”  Matthew 5:4 NKJV

To mourn for your sins is a natural outflow of poverty of spirit. . . Many know they are wrong, yet they pretend they are right. As a result, they never taste the exquisite sorrow of repentance.

Of all the paths to joy, this one has to be the strangest. True blessedness, Jesus says, begins with deep sadness."


By Grace Alone -

-T

Applauding God!

Today was my follow-up with my doctor after chemo.  We drove into the appointment on solid sheets of ice on the road...yeah, that was a lot of fun.  A 30 minute trip took an hour and ten minutes.  But I got there.  Tom followed behind me to make sure I made it ok. 

I told my doctor about my swollen ankles and belly (which are fine at the beginning of the day but are bad at the end of the day).  My feet are frozen Popsicles by the end of the day because there doesn't seem to be any circulation in them.  I asked her if she thought it was my kidneys and she said nope...she thinks it is my heart.  So, she scheduled a MUGA scan for tomorrow.  "The MUGA scan (MUltiple Gated Acquisition scan) is a noninvasive test that produces a moving image of the heart. From this image, the health of the heart’s major pumping chamber (the left ventricle) can be assessed."  (Information taken from: http://heartdisease.about.com/cs/otherriskfactors/l/blmuga.htm)  Apparently from what I am reading at that site, they should have been monitoring my heart with these scans all along during the chemo.  Hmmmm....things that make you go 'hmmm'.
 
I'll let you guys know this weekend how that went. (if they tell me...if they don't, I have a follow-up appointment on Monday)

Everything else is looking better.  My white count is still low but the rest of my blood work looked pretty decent.  I don't seem to be anemic but do seem to be deficient in B-12 and Folic Acid.  I just need to start taking some multi-vitamins again and that should start looking better.  Overall, a very successful health day.  8-)

Here is some Max feeding for you...what more could we want to know except that God is in Charge?  I don't need anything else to 'dizzy my brain' as Max puts it.   (Applauding God with all my heart!)  8-)

"God Is In Charge

By Max Lucado

 

“Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.” Matthew 6:13 RSV 

“Thine is the Kingdom and the power and the glory forever.” What protection this . . . phrase affords. As you confess that God is in charge, you admit that you aren’t. As you proclaim that God has power, you admit that you don’t. And as you give God all the applause, there is none left to dizzy your brain."

By Grace Alone -

-T

Radiation Casting

Today I got 'fitted' with a cast for my radiation therapy.  I wish I had thought to bring my camera because it was a quite interesting process. 

The first thing they do is have you take everything off from the waist up, put on two gowns for modesty purposes and then go into the CT room and take it all off (Not sure why we even had to put on gowns since we never use them and just strip right in front of them anyway...).  You then have to sign two pieces of paperwork that says you are allowing them to do all the stuff they are about to do to you.  The next step is for them to take a 'before' picture of your face (Do they think you're going to change a lot during 7 weeks of treatment...they did that before chemo and I DID change a lot so it make me wonder...hmmm). 

So now they've got all the administrative stuff out of the way and they have me lay down on a table that has a bar vertically running at the top of your head.  (This will from this point forward be called the evil bar.)  This table slides into the CT scanner after they have you all set up.

Setting up is a process in itself.  The first thing you do is lay down on this crinkly plastic covered pillow looking thing and put your hands over your head and hold onto the evil bar.  Then they mold that pillow around your shoulders, arms, hands, and head by sucking the air out of it.  The pillow maintains your body shape and allows you to relax during radiation without having to worry about holding still.  The cast will definitely keep you from wiggling around.  To clarify why I call the bar evil...you hold onto that bar through the entire process and it makes your shoulders hurt and the cast cuts into your hands that are wrapped around the bar.  I just projected all the cause of my pain to that bar.  8-) 

After they have JUST the way they want you, they start marking crosses all over your sides and chest area.  Then they run you through a preliminary check of the CT scan to see if it captures what they want it to.   They roll you back out of the CT and made some adjustments to the way you are laying.  Then roll you back in to check again.  This process goes on until they have you laying perfectly to capture (whatever it is they capture) in the CT scan for real. 

The next (and the last) thing that they did was give me a permanent tattoo.  It is just one dot in the center of my chest that the radiologist will use each day to put me into the correct position for the radiation.  So, now I feel like a 60's love child with her first tattoo...HA. 

They also gave me some documentation that tells me basically that I'm going to be fatigued from the radiation and to rest when I need to and not overexert during the treatments.  Yadda yadda yadda.

On another note:  I found a flower on the plant from my father's funeral in July.  (YES...amazingly the thing is still alive...I never touch it...)

It's hard to see, but it is the white leaf and budding thing at the center bottom of the plant.  So...not only have I not killed the thing, it is insisting on thriving in spite of my inability to care for plants.  Go figure.

By Grace Alone -

-T

Lord, Please Make Me Teachable

Well, Carol...you asked how the manicure and pedicure were...they were good...but the facial was amazing.  When I arrived my skin was dry and flaking and gray looking.  (Chemo patients  have the worst skin!) But...when I left, my skin was clear, moist, soft, and all pinked up.  It still looks great today.  Eminence is an amazing product.  I got samples from them for 2 dollars each and they sent me enough for 4 facials.  One of them was the Rosehip Maize Exfoliating Masque and the other one was the Raspberry Pore Refining Masque.  Both were designed for sensitive skin.  It is like having new skin.  Nancy and I had a good time laughing and joking about anything that came to mind.  So, I got this great Eminence facial for four dollars and had a lot of fun doing it...how cool is that?  It is good to be around other people again.  8-)

After the beauty appointment, we did our Wal-Mart shopping, ate at Subway, and then we were going to get groceries but I didn't have an ounce of energy left so we went home and relaxed the rest of the day.   It was already about 3:00 by then and I'd been out and about since 9 that morning so I feel like I did pretty good for my first big venture out.  I have no idea how I'm going to make it through a full day of work...we'll see how that goes next Friday.  Not sure if I told you or not but I decided I wasn't ready to go in last Friday like I had originally planned.  I am sure now that it was a smart move.

Here is the Max for today...it is interesting how the same words can affect different people in different ways.  We find ways to apply God's words into our lives as they stand today.  I could probably read this same scripture and Max offerings in a year and interpret them completely differently. 

"The Purpose In Our Pain

By Max Lucado

 

“Your faith makes you offer your lives as a sacrifice in serving God.” Philippians 2:17 

When we face struggles, we often wonder, Why? Years from now, though, we may realize that it was those struggles that taught us something we could not have otherwise learned—that there was a purpose in our pain. God’s purpose is greater than your pain, and he has a greater purpose than your problems."

I am glad if God is using my pain to teach me something that I would not have otherwise grasped.  8-)  That would definitely make it worthwhile.  (Lord, please make me teachable...)

By Grace Alone -

-T

God is Faithful!

I'm heading out to get my pedi, mani, and facial today...whoo whoo!  I'm getting to have some fun with Nancy too.  We always laugh a lot together during my beauty treatments.  They really don't make be beautiful but certainly help make me more socially acceptable.  8-)

My white and red blood counts feel like they've returned to normal...I won't really know until next Thursday for sure.  I know that I am no longer bruising (red cells out of whack causes that) and my shingles are clearing up (I've been on antibiotic for a week) which were caused by my white cells being so low.  I have more and more energy...yeah...I'm definitely just about mended I think.  God is faithful in his healing of me.

Tom and I are doing our weekly shopping after my beauty stop.  He is going to drive me in and pick me up.

Yesterday was Tom's birthday and we spent a quiet day with me working and him playing on his computer.  He picked up our usual Friday Thai food and we had some cake together for his birthday.  We really do like our life's simplicity and the fact that I have Tom to share it with.  8-) God is faithful in my simple home life.

I thought today's Max was fitting...I don't have to be beautiful for God to love me.   8-)  A little reassurance that even with all my imperfections, I am loved fully and completely by God.

"Absolute Love

By Max Lucado

 

“His love has taken over our lives; God’s faithful ways are eternal.” Psalm 117:2 

The Message 

God’s love for you is not dependent on how you look, how you think, how you act, or how perfect you are. His love is absolutely nonnegotiable and nonreturnable. Ours is a faithful God."

Amen and Amen...

By Grace Alone -

-T

More Ramblings 8-)

Yesterday...not so much going on.  Did the treadmill again...(YEAH ME!!  HA)  Worked all day.  Cooked supper then got a call from the guy that is teaching my classes for me.   He had just arrived from California and was trying to find the Jetplex.  Of course, he was trying to find it in the dark so that made it a little harder for him.  So I offered to meet him at his hotel this morning and let him follow me in.

We met at 6:15 at his hotel and I got to watch him finish eating breakfast (I was a little early...oops) and then we headed out into the cold cold weather.  It was so cold that my nose and eyes ran like little faucets.  (Still having some side effects from the chemo...o well...this too shall pass eventually.)  Anyway, we go there with no problem and I checked him in with the guard and vouched for him so he could come back tomorrow and finish up the classes  (without me having to take him).  I showed him all around the training room and made sure his computer worked on the docking station and that the projector worked as it is supposed to.  Then I ran away as quickly as possible...HA!

I got back home and put out all the fires that were already stirring up from work (it was only 7:30 when I got back...don't these people ever sleep?) and now things have died down to a normal state of being. 

I go this afternoon to have the body cast made for the radiation treatments.  The cast is supposed to hold me mobile while they shoot the radiation into my breast and under my arm into the lymph nodes.  (I may have already told you guys this....if so...sorry.) 

Tomorrow is Tom's birthday.  I still have to wrap his presents...man I am so behind on some things.  I believe he is off tomorrow also so I'll have to get it done today. 

Max's words for today...Maybe having a 'common life' isn't so bad after all...as long as we 'listen' to it.

"A Common Life

By Max Lucado

 

“The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field.” Matthew 13:44

When you list the places Christ lived, draw a circle around the town named Nazareth—a single-camel map dot on the edge of boredom. For thirty of thirty-three years, Jesus lived a common life . . . 

And the town may have been common, but his attention to it was not . . . He saw how a seed on a path took no root (Luke 8:5) and how a mustard seed produced a great tree (Matthew 13:31-32). Jesus listened to his common life.

Are you listening to yours?"

By Grace Alone -

-T

Back on the Treadmill Again...

People have had so many problems leaving comments on the blog, I am trying something new.  Instead of forcing them to log in through google or aim, I set it to where anyone can leave a comment.  I will try this for a while and won't change it unless we get some unacceptable comments.

I know I am on the mend because I actually did a mile and a half on the treadmill today.  I am also starting to be feisty again at work and my boss is noticing it.  He says "It is really nice to see the old spark (fire) coming from your responses...can't wait to have you back here."  Yeah...whatever...

It is good to be fully back in the work mix though.  Emails flying left and right.  Demands made and dodged expertly.  8-)  I really do love my job most days.  It is challenging enough to keep me mentally going and I get to travel around to the different Huntsville sites training people so it's never just a boring desk job.

Shadow has been restless all day.  It must be the impending bad weather that is heading our way.  She normally sleeps most of the day but today she has been crying at me all day.  She settled down for a little while when I opened a window but then it started sprinkling and she is back at the caterwalling.  I've tried brushing her, changing her water, giving her extra attention but nothing seems to do it for her.  Worse than a baby....

Here is a little Max for you...good words to remember...WE can't be good enough...WE can't earn his love...He gives it freely...(I'd certainly be in trouble if it depended on my goodness...big grin)

"This Is Love

By Max Lucado

 

“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” I John 4:10 NIV 

Does God love us because of our goodness? Because of our kindness? Because of our great faith? No, he loves us because of his goodness, kindness, and great faith. John says it like this: “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us.”"

By Grace Alone - 


-T

Busy Weekend

Busy Weekend.

Tom was home on Friday (He works 9/80s and gets every other Friday off.) and work was still going on for me at a fairly hectic pace.  I honestly can't remember what I did on Friday other than work so I guess it wasn't important.  HA!

Saturday, he worked on washing all the snow and sludge off of his truck and I finally opened my new furniture for holding DVDs and BluRays and got them set up.  The room looks much better now.  I still need to put some curtains in there (there is a black out shade up right now but curtains would complete the window...maybe some toppers...we'll see) but considering it is just an exercise room, it's not on the top of my priority list..).  Right now, it is the least used room in the house because I haven't had the energy to do any exercising but I'd say that pretty soon, it will get used again.  (Do you hear that Mr. Tom?  We're getting back to exercising soon.  8-)  Muwah wah - evil laugh)  Here are some visuals of the room.  Tom built the shelves under the TV.  Isn't he just a great 'handy man'!

Sunday we went shopping and while I was exhausted when it was over, it was really really good to get out.  We made our Wal-mart and Publix runs so we are good to go for this next week.  We also ate out at Cracker Barrel which is always good eating.  8-)

Mom's friend Ina is currently going through all the testing associated with the beginnings of breast cancer.  I totally sympathize with her and know that this is very painful and tedious.  It is a very stressful time and she will need all the prayers that you guys can send up to get her through it.  It looks like she already knows that she has to go through Chemotherapy and Radiation (I capitalize these two words out of respect...) as well as having both breasts removed.  I didn't go with the mastectomy option because the surgeon (and my research) showed me that it wouldn't improve my life expectancy to any degree. 

Hope everyone is having a great day!

By Grace Alone...

House Keeping and Radiation News

She said, "If it's dirty, I clean it."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing...

I said, "Huh?" 

She said, "If it's dirty, I clean it."

I said, "Even the baseboards?"

She said, "Yes!"

She even cleans UNDER knick knacks and under DVD players.  She picks things UP to dust.  Where did she come from?  How wonderful is this?  I've had cleaning people for years and they NEVER pick stuff up and dust under it.  I just know it won't last...she's too good to be true.  She attacks cleaning just like I do.  WOW.

I got back from my Dr. appointment this morning and my house smelled WONDERFUL.  Nina was almost done with the cleaning and it shone everywhere.  We had this really bad little vacuum cleaner outside that was supposed to have been thrown away and she was trying to use it to vacuum.  I had forgotten to tell her where my Kirby was.  I showed her and walked her through the changing of the attachments and she used it to take care of the two rugs in the house.  (She even carted off the little cruddy vacuum cleaner to dispose of it.. YEAH, NINA!)

My Cancer Radiologist appointment went very well.  He came in and said, "You look GREAT."  I said, "thank you...(modestly...HA)"   He said, "No, really...most people two weeks after completing chemo look really bad but you look great."  I just told him it was God's doing, not mine.  (Big grin...)  He said they normally wait 6 weeks after chemo to start radiation but if I was game, he was going to get me started 4 weeks after chemo.  I said I was DEFINITELY game.  He said the side effects would be sunburn to the area and fatigue...o joy...

Next week I have an appointment for them to make the 'cast' of my upper body that I will be lying in every day as they do the radiation.  It will keep me from wiggling around (supposedly...good luck with that)...I'll let you know if it works or not when we get there.  Radiation starts on 2/14/11.

I also talked to my Cancer Nurse today.  I told her that I had gotten the Eminence stuff for doing the facial and that my hair dresser is going to do the facial for me and she was SO excited.  She is WAY more excited about this facial stuff than I am.  HA.  The eminence place sent me samples to try (for a small fee, of course but that small fee was MUCH less than actually buying the products and then finding out I was allergic or anything.  A container of the eyecream that I got a sample of normally runs ninety dollars.  I have to KNOW I like it before buying that stuff...LOL) and we'll use those to do the facial with.  It will be good to exfoliate this dead skin off of my face.  8-)  Chemo is really hard on the skin.

She also filled me in on why radiation is so fatiguing.  She explained that my already compromised red and white cells will get another hit from the radiation PLUS I have to go and get the radiation done every day and it is all just exhausting.  Well...I've been exhausted at the end of every day for about a year now so I don't really see that as anything new...we shall see.  8-)  Amy has really been a wealth of information throughout this entire process.  I thought today was our last call but she said nope...she is here for me through the entire process and she'll be doing a 3 month check up and a six month check up when radiation is complete.  I couldn't ask for a better Cancer Nurse. 

Hope everyone is having a great day!

By Grace Alone -

Getting Back Into LIFE

I finally called a company in town yesterday about getting my house cleaned on a regular basis.  I have an interview with them this morning at 10:00.  I'd like to get it done weekly (because I love a clean house) but if it costs too much for weekly, I guess we'll do every other week like we were doing before all this cancer mess.  We don't mess the house up that much so every other week would be fine but there's nothing like coming home once a week to a clean house so I'm going to see how much it would be for weekly. 

(I had the meeting with Nina and she is a wonderful lady.  She felt the same way about floors and bathrooms as I do and her weekly rate was not unreasonable.  She starts tomorrow...YEAH!)

My boss is also trying to get someone in from Saint Louis (home office) to do some of my training for me for the people that need it done immediately.  I don't really have the stamina to do all day training yet and he is nice enough to understand that and try to accommodate.  I have a 9:00 meeting for that.  Hopefully, it will finish before the cleaning lady gets here.

(This meeting went really well also.  They are coming next week to teach three classes for me.  Hurrah...relief pitchers...!!)

I am actually totally weaned off of Starbucks now.  I don't crave coffee at all since it made me nauseous during chemo recovery.  I did love my Starbucks but it is actually better to not have all that caffeine coursing through my veins (yeah...whatever...I'm working on convincing myself of this one.). 

I've contacted Nancy (my beautician and friend) and let her know that we need to get our schedule going for hair and nails again soon.  We'll start with nails since they are still attached to my fingers (HA!) and then, when the hair grows in, we will add that in and lengthen our appointments.  We always have so much fun together when we are doing hair and nails.  She always makes me laugh...she has some good stories...and that's all I'll say about that.  8-)

I am still seriously considering starting back to work on Friday.  When I say 'back to work', I mean physically back in my office at Boeing.  It is time and I am feeling much better everyday.  The nausea is greatly reduced and I am able to sit up all day (still exhausted at the end of it, but I am sitting up...) 

It took me all day to finish this silly blog.  Hope everyone is having a great day!

By Grace Alone -

Fingerprints and Faith

When they said that the chemo would change my DNA, they weren't kidding.  The fingerprint reader on my computer no longer recognizes any of my fingerprints.  It has been happening gradually over the last month or so.  It would randomly not recognize it and then I would put lotion on or lick my finger (to puff up the fingerprint) and it would work.  Now, no matter what I do, it doesn't recognize it.  Of course, being security conscious, I've always had lots of different passwords for everything.  (Yeah...I'm thinking of going and changing everything to one that I can remember.)  Tom built this really great database that houses all my passwords so I keep having to go into that and find out what my password is...that was a particular problem yesterday because I had to reboot and my windows logon password was not in my head and I couldn't get to the database without getting into my computer...(yeah, you can see the issue there).  Luckily, Tom has the same database on his computer so I just rolled my chair across the room and looked it up.  8-)  I'm not going to change my fingerprints though because it is my understanding that my DNA will correct itself in time.  Ah...patience...I swear I didn't pray for it but I keep having to use it.  8-)

Here is a little Max to brighten your day...

"He Meets Your Needs

By Max Lucado

 

“Don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will have its own worries.” Matthew 6:34 

God liberated his children from slavery and created a path through the sea. He gave them a cloud to follow in the day and fire to see at night. And he gave them food . . . 

Each morning the manna came. Each evening the quail appeared. “Trust me. Trust me and I will give you what you need.” The people were told to take just enough for one day. Their needs would be met, one day at a time."

This stands totally true in my life.  God has always and I know He will continue to meet my needs in all things.  I am not worried about whether I end up in remission or they continue to find cancer in other areas of my body...I know that it will all fit His plan no matter what that plan is.  He has born me through the agony and total despair of chemotherapy and I know he will bear me through whatever the future holds.  I praise Him in all things whether it seems good or bad for me. 

By Grace Alone -

Sweet Card and Return to Work

I got the sweetest card from the people at work today.  (Actually, it probably came yesterday but we didn't check the mail until today.)

One of the ladies I work with mailed it to me but put a note in it that says "I wanted you to know that Clifford walked this card around to everyone.  He really misses you and your laugh and he asked me to send it to you."  Is that sweet or what?  The worst part of this story is that I don't remember who Clifford is.  Lordy lordy as my Aunt Mae would say.  He must sit in one of the offices on my hallway but as I've said before...I'm really kind of shy and don't get around to talk to others that much.  He isn't one of the ones that flocked in to see me on a regular basis either (there are a bunch of them that used to fly in and out of my office chatting...I never had to move an inch to talk to people...funny how that works).  A lot of people from the office that I don't even know signed it.  I really need to get around and talk to everyone when I get back and try to put names and faces to this card.  (Good thing their names are on their offices...8-)

Tom was in DESPERATE need of a haircut and we got that done today.  I cut about an inch and a half off...that should give you some indication of how neglected he has been.  Well, times are changing...we're not gonna go that long again.  8-)  I am truly gaining more energy every day and I am thinking about returning to work this next Friday when Nadir is complete and my white count has returned to normal.  I know all my blood work won't be back where it belongs but, if I have the energy, I'm ready to get back in the mix and get on with my life.  There is so much going on at work that I need to take care of and it is hard to do it all from here.

I did BJ's taxes today and he owes this year.  I finished ours the other day and we owe too.   Thanks, O'bama...

Not much else going on here.  Hope everyone is having a great day!

By Grace Alone -

Saturday Ramblings

Yesterday was a CRAZY work day.  I am glad it is the weekend now.  My boss is chomping at the bit for me to come back to the office.  He is not a patient man.  There is a lot of people that need training.  I just don't think I have the stamina to stand in front of classes every day for several days for 8 hours.  

I cleaned out the fridge this morning.  (Still working on building up stamina)  There is hardly anything in it so it is the perfect time to take care of that business.  We desperately need to go shopping.  I may just take a chance and go out there and get it done today. 

I stopped my sleeping pills last night too.  Not much sleep going on because of that.  I have to get everything back to normal though.  My body needs to learn to sleep on its own again.  (sigh)  I want to get all the drugs out of my body that don't need to be there anymore.  Out bad drugs...out!

Here is a little 'Max' to round out your day with:

"You Have A Choice

By Max Lucado

“I expect and hope . . . to show the greatness of Christ in my life here on earth, whether I live or die.” Philippians 1:20 

It would have been nice if God had let us order life like we order a meal. I’ll take good health and a high IQ. I’ll pass on the music skills but give me a fast metabolism . . . Would’ve been nice. But it didn’t happen. When it came to your life on earth, you weren’t given a voice or a vote.

But when it comes to life after death, you were.  In my book, that seems like a good deal. Wouldn’t you agree?"

By Grace Alone -

On the Move Again...

In an effort to actually make some progress with my stamina and take the work load back off of Tom again, today I have:

Totally gotten out of bed and moved everything to the office, went through a week's worth of unopened mail (ugh), cleaned house, removed all the internet wiring from the bedroom to encourage me never to go back there again unless it is to sleep (HA!), showered (yeah me!!),  started working on our taxes..(more ugh...) did most of the laundry, and kept up with all 'real' work taskings from my boss.  (Yeah, I still have to fit work into my day...sigh.)

It has been a productive day and it's only 12:30.  Wow...just wait until I get all my energy back.  Whoo whoo.  

Shadow has moved back to the guest bedroom. (As soon as I started stripping sheets in the bedroom she skedaddled to the other side of the house...she knows what it means when I start getting active.)

I am very excited to be active again and while it is taxing and tiring, I know that it will all pay off to have worked these muscles and made myself breath deep and hard as I work around the house.

I've got to start interviewing people to clean my house again soon.  Now that I am not going to be as susceptible to 'germs' I need to find someone else to do our cleaning for us.  We really don't have time to waste on house cleaning when I start going into work again.  I'm not going to bring back the people that were doing it before all this started because they didn't clean my shower well enough.  (I know..I know...that sounds silly, but if I'm paying them, they should do it the way I want it done.)  They did do the floors well though (my other pet peeve...)  I always wonder why the cleaning crews won't MOVE stuff when they dust.  Once a month no matter who I get, I end up having to dust UNDER everything.  (Another reason I don't have a lot of knick knacks laying around my house.  I hate to have to dust...)

I just got a pop up reminder about my 1:00 meeting...I guess I'd better go get ready for that...

Hope everyone is having a great day!!

By Grace Alone -

Back to Work

Well, Tom will be home soon...YEAH!  I've been lonely here today...I must be on the mend...lol.

I actually worked today (from bed, but I still worked so it counts...).  My boss even asked me when I was coming back (physically) to work.  That is SOOOOOOOOOOO him.  Like miraculously, since chemo infusions are over, I should be back on my feet.  I gave him the day after my doctor appointment to check my bloodwork as being the return day.  (Feb 10th apt...Feb 11th back to work if all is good.)  Anyway, my boss writes back and says he was wanting to do a luncheon for everyone in the group with birthdays and wanted me to join them for lunch.  I told him that if I could join him for lunch, I'd just come into work...lol.  It was nice of him to want to include me but I probably won't make that luncheon...8-)

My mom got good news today.  She doesn't have gallstones.  They just did a test on her to see if it was a problem.  I was very glad to hear it wasn't.  Since gallstones are created from excess cholesterol and calcium and her bad cholesterol was like NINETY SEVEN...I wasn't thinking that she had gallstones but what do I know?  I've never heard of anyone having such low bad cholesterol...amazing.

Well, Tom is home now...YEAH!  I guess we'll need to start thinking about supper now.

Hope everyone is having a great day!!

Difficulties never last forever.

I don't know where I learned it, but I have always learned to face adversity by knowing that there would be a 'last' time I have to do whatever the difficult thing is.   Difficulties never last forever.

This is what is getting me through this last chemo treatment.  I know that I won't feel this bad forever...I know it will end.  There is hope.  In all human endeavors, there is always hope.  

I took another sick day today because I am still not out of bed yet.   It seems that the mind and the body are so tied together with lethargy in this sickness.  I know it will eventually end though...tomorrow will be a little better and then the next day will improve until I am finally running around in my usual hastened pace to get all things completed before the day is over.  I really don't care right now whether anything gets done or not.   Although, the fact that I am blogging again is a good sign.  If I can do this today, then tomorrow's goal will be to actually work without taking a sick day. 

When she is allowed into the bedroom, Shadow never leaves my side.   She is at my feet as I type thinking that she is 'sneaking' over here and I won't notice her.  She stayed over on Tom's side until I started typing as though she thinks this distraction will allow her to go unnoticed.  I'll let her stay until she gets in the way of my stretching out.  If Tom were here, he would have already run her away from my side.  She knows he isn't though and will take full advantage of me.  I'm ok with that...8-)

I heard an amazing quote today I wanted to share with you by Marianne Williamson: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." (A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles", Harper Collins, 1992. From Chapter 7, Section 3])

By Grace Alone -

Still Struggling

Still struggling.  I think they either didn't give me the steroids this time (even though they said one of the bags was decadron) or they gave me more chemo than the other three doses of AC.  Either way...this is a tough one.  I didn't get my usual energy burst after the treatment...I went right into bed and have been there since.

As always, Tom is taking care of me...doing laundry, getting my meals, making sure I get fluids, getting me to the restroom, etc.  I could not ask for a better caretaker. 

I don't have much brain for the blogging today but I wanted to thank everyone for the prayers and to let you know that they are working...I'm sure I'll be up and around again in a couple of days if things go as they have in the past.

By Grace Alone -

Update

Just a quick update.

I got the last dose of chemo this morning and set up appointments with Dr. Faulkner (radiation doctor) in two weeks and to go back to see Dr. Waples (Oncologist) in a month.

This dose hit me hard.  I couldn't even do my Walmart run after because I was too exhausted.  Came home and slept and am still in bed.   (Tom set up the computer back here in the bedroom again.  I really hate that I missed the Walmart run.  That is the safest time to get out there right after I've had the chemo.  Ah well, two more weeks and I can get out there for good.  My BP was really high before they started the chemo and I'm sure it was just nerves but I didn't cry this time (even though I wanted to...lol).  It was back to low when it was all over.  8-)

I know the next week will be bad and I think I'm ready for it.  Keep the prayers going up.  I really appreciate everyone out there.

Don't Waste Your Life

I'm sitting here waiting for a call from the girl I was telling you about that was just diagnosed with breast cancer.  I pulled out my radiology reports because there was a lot of stuff that I have forgotten. 

She tried to call me earlier but I was in a teleconference and she sent me an email saying the number was no good.  I asked her if she dialed a '1' in front of it because we are considered long distance from everywhere else around here.  Yeah...we're out in the boonies...but I really do loving living out in the middle of nowhere.  They gave us free nationwide calling on our phone because we couldn't call anywhere without it being a long distance.

Carol recommended a book to me this morning that I went out and bought that I think is going to be awesome (I read the first chapter before buying it).  It is called "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper.  Wonder if she is trying to tell me something?  HA!

The girl just called me.  She has been diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma (just like I was) but she is at the stage of trying to decide whether to do a mastectomy or a lumpectomy.  She wants to have both breasts removed and never have to worry about breast cancer again.  Her tumor is .9mm in size which is very small and she won't know the staging until after surgery.  I told her why I decided on a lumpectomy but didn't really discuss the chemotherapy yet.  I told her to call me anytime to discuss the different stages of the cure to the disease as she has questions.  She was not nervous or worried about anything.  I have to wonder if she is still in shock from the diagnosis...but then again...she just might not be a worrier.  Some people have that gift.

Not much else except for work going on here today.  I have to go get the chicken wings ready to turn them into chicken wings Parmesan.  YUM...one of our favorite meals.

Hope everyone is having a GREAT day.  8-)

Things That Change You

So much for weather reports, cat stories, and chemo whining.

Let's talk about things that change you.

Finding salvation in Christ...

Your first kiss...

Your first true love...

The first time you lie... (yeah, everyone lies at some point in their life, whether to protect someone or out of shame or for one of a million other reasons.  It happens and it changes you forever.)

A mother's love...

A father's love...

Extreme Joy...

The first time you are angry...

The first time you are deeply sad...

The death of someone you love...

A best friend...

Going through something difficult and realizing that people care about you...

Yeah...you have changed me, believe it or not.  I've gone through life feeling fairly self-sufficient and God has brought me down to a low point and made me realize that I need people more than myself.  I can't tell you how much your prayers and caring have meant to me...thanks for that change.  8-)

If you feel used in your changing of me, then see what Max says about the God and his use of people.

"God Uses People

By Max Lucado

 

I know those I have chosen. John 13:18 

Would you choose a wanted murderer to lead you out of bondage? Would you call upon a fugitive to carry the Ten Commandments? God did . . . Called his name through a burning bush. Scared old Moses right out of his shoes!

The reassuring lesson is clear.  God...uses people to change the world.  People! Not saints or superhumans or geniuses, but people."

By Grace Alone -

-T