Multiple Ramblings...

We made the trip out to Bed, Bath and Beyond!  Yeah!

It wasn't easy, but I found some rugs and towels to match.  The funniest thing is that the ones that I picked online in the 'sand' color were exactly the ones I ended up buying.  I just didn't feel comfortable buying them online, site unseen.  Tom very patiently followed me back and forth between the rugs and the towels...8-)  It would have been nice if they had set the store up with all the towels that matched a certain color rug right beside them...but nooooo...they had to have them across the store.  I certainly got enough exercise today and am quite exhausted now.

Here are some pics of the new rugs and towels.  We have a really long master bath so it is hard to take pictures of everything at once.  Well, you'll get the idea, anyway.

I'm such a 'neutral' color girl.  My mother will find these colors boring but it is who I am...lol.  I'm pretty simple and love to stay in the background.  8-)

So, we were standing in the store trying to decide what type of a toilet seat lid we had...was it oblong or round.  Neither one of us could remember.  How bad is that?  We brought home the round one and Tom gallantly took it back and exchanged it after we got home and saw what kind it really was.  The other bad thing was that I had taken down measurements the other day of the areas that needed rugs.  The only thing I could remember was that the area in front of the two sinks was 72" and the area in front of the shower was either 40" or 44".  So we got a 60" rug for in front of the sinks and took a chance on a 44" rug for the shower area and got lucky because the shower area was exactly 44".  (whew)

While my white and red blood counts were really down on Thursday when I went to the doctor, but I can tell that they are indeed coming up because I was able to walk all over that store without feeling like I was going to pass out or anything.  I guess we will be ready for the next (and LAST) chemo treatment on Thursday.

My sister sent me a really cool encouragement card that I got today.  It had Snoopy dancing on the front of the card and it said on the front "Know What THIS is?"  and you open it says "It's the DANCE I'm going to do when you are all BETTER."   We got the mail on the way out to the store this morning and had a good laugh over it.  Yeah, Carol, I can already imagine you doing your Happy Dance.  8-)  I'll be doing it right there with you.

I asked the doctor on Thursday if my reactions to finding lumps was normal or was I turning into this 'paranoid woman'?  He assured me that not only was it normal but from now on it is my job to tell him about every single little lump that I find so we can both be assured that there is no more cancer.  He made me feel much less paranoid.  8-)

One of my bosses sent me an email on Friday and told me about a lady at work (whom I actually know to some degree from working with her) that has just been diagnosed with Breast Cancer and wanted me to talk to her to reassure her.  So, I  was struck with really mixed feelings.  Sorrow for the lady to have to go through this and excitement that maybe I could give her some insight that will reduce her fears.  My Sister-in-Law, Sharyn, has also told me of someone that she'd like to give my name to chat with to help through her trials with Breast Cancer.  God really does open the doors for us to minister, doesn't he?  I really hope I can help them both to go through this with less trepidation.  Sometimes, being armed with knowledge helps us with the struggles.  I know that, as I learned more about what I was going through, I felt tremendously better. 

Hope everyone is having a great day!

What's Mine is HERS

I have set up a working space in the spare bedroom on the bed so that I'm not too exhausted at the end of the day.  I don't want to get under the sheets so I had a spare blanket put at the end of the bed so that I could pull it over my legs when I felt too cool.  (My thermostat is all over the place so I dress in layers and keep blankets nearby...)

Anyway...Shadow (yeah, another cat story) decides she likes this blanket (even though I have some nice soft rugs set down there for her to lay on.  (See those tan rugs to the left of her...she totally avoids them.)  So, she leaves the blanket folded up for a little while and lays on it.  Then, yesterday, she decided that she needed to 'nest' it to fit her body.  Below are the results.  (Sigh)

It took her a lot of work to get it exactly the way she wanted it.  So, now, I guess MY blanket is HER blanket.  Because I'm such a softee, I got myself another blanket yesterday to lay under.  (Must have happy cat....)

Aloe Madness!!

My sister sent me a text message the other day and told me she had sent the Aloe Plant.  I said, "Cool...what do I owe you for it?"   She says, "Just keep it alive."  I told her she was mean...that was the hard part.

I got the plant today.  When I got it, I wasn't sure which end was supposed to be up...it looked like this when I took it out of the box.

That didn't look right, so I tried walked around to the other side and took a good look. 

Hmmm, I guessed it was time to take the scissors and try cutting some of the tape off...

AHA!  I found the bottom of the plant...now to open up the plant itself...

It had broken ends from the shipment but I gave it a haircut (trimmed off the broken pieces) and WALA:

YEAH, CAROL!  That's a lot of Aloe...I have a fat cat and a fat aloe plant now.  8-)

I saw the doctor early this morning and the radiologist says the lump in the right breast is a fibroadenoma instead of a fluid filled cyst.  He says it is still nothing to worry about.  He did say I could have it removed if it grew too much or if it was bothering me.  I said I'd keep that in mind in the future....(yeah, that's gonna happen...lol)

Hope everyone is having a great day! 

Sleepless Night and Sonogram

This has been an interesting 24 hours. 

I talked with my Cancer Nurse from the Boeing Wellness Program yesterday afternoon.  I was telling her about the new lump in my right breast (the one that had the cancerous lump that they removed).  She sounded kind of panicky and asked what they are doing about it.  I basically told her my request was to wait until chemo was over.  She said not to wait, but to pass Go and immediately get it checked out because if I am growing new lumps then the chemo won't have worked as it should have if they are malignant.  Sigh.

No sleep last night, as you can imagine...lots of weird dreams when I did sleep though...I dreamed Tom wasn't waiting for me to die but was already scoping out the new wife he would need when I died.  Oh, the mind is a crazy thing...I kept asking him, "Couldn't you just wait until I'm actually dead to go looking for a new wife?"  When I woke up, if he hadn't already been out of bed, I would have smacked him 'cause I was just that mad.  HA!

So, this morning, I call my doctor and ask for a sonogram for the lump he found last week.  They immediately got me into The Breast Center to have it checked out.  I have an appointment tomorrow morning to go over the results with the doctor.  I have had a lot of sonograms in my lifetime.  They would always do the mammogram and then they would shuffle me off to do a sonogram of the lumps they would see in the mammogram.  I've seen a LOT of fluid filled cysts in my lifetime.  When they found the actual tumor, last July, I saw it on the sonogram before the technician said anything.  This time, I didn't see anything but fluid filled masses but she wouldn't talk about it.  (Whatever...)  I feel pretty confident that it was just a fluid filled cyst.

So, we've jumped through one more hoop.  I have to admit though, I wasn't going to jump through it until she said that all the chemo would have been for nothing if it had turned out to be a malignant tumor.  I asked her what they would do if the chemo wasn't working and she said they would change the chemo to another type.  No wonder I had nightmares.  I just can't see me doing another chemo round.  I guess in my head I had just written me off as dead, if that was the case.   HA!

Hope everyone is having a great day!  I know I'm going to sleep better tonight.  8-)

Mundane Ramblings...

We are back to normal today.  The holidays are over.  Sigh.  

Shadow has parked herself (in her usual spot) on my desk between my work computer and my personal computer.  This time she is facing me.  She has been keeping an eye on me for the last 24 hours.  (I just tested this theory and if I move in my chair, she opens an eye...HA!)  

After Tom left for work yesterday and she couldn't find me (because the bedroom door was shut and I was still sleeping) she went into anxiety mode and threw up on the washing machine.  (Which really beats her throwing up on the living room rug or Tom's seat on the leather couch...that one is always a fun surprise...he never sees it before he sits down...lol.)  Once she saw me up, she was ok but wouldn't let me out of her sight all day.  If I moved rooms, she moved rooms.  Poor thing...she's gonna go crazy when I have to physically go back to work in February.

The good thing about the new year is that everyone at work is still trying to figure out where they were at the end of last year so I'm not getting inundated with help calls yet. 

I am actually out of bed today which is pretty much a first since my last chemo treatment. (Except for the day that Tom and I cleaned house and I really wasn't out of bed that long on that day.)  It's only eight in the morning and I'm already exhausted.  My dad, not long before he died, would look longingly at his bed when they had him out of it in the nursing home.  I can SOOOO relate to that right now.  I would love to just go back there and crawl back into it.  

There has always been something odd about our master bathroom.  It is always 20 degrees colder back there than the rest of the house.  Doesn't matter if it is winter or summer, it is cold.  (I could understand it better if it were only cold in the winter and hot in the summer but it is cold all the time.)  It's so cold that I put a thermometer back there to see if I was imagining it or if it was real.  Most of the time it registers about 53 degrees in that room (versus 72 in the rest of the house).  Both of the AC/heat vents in the room are wide open and Tom has checked the duct work to make sure it is all connected.  Without rugs back there (yeah, I'm still whining about the rugs) the little tootsies really freeze in the middle of the night when nature calls.  Can't wait for the weekend to get those rugs procured.  8-) 

OK, I haven't put any Max in for a few days...here is a good nugget to hold on to if you're ever feeling God isn't listening to you.

"God Listens

By Max Lucado

“I call to you in times of trouble, because you will answer me.”  Psalm 86:7

You can talk to God because God listens.

Your voice matters in heaven. He takes you very seriously. When you enter His presence, the attendants turn to you to hear your voice. No need to fear that you will be ignored.

Even if you stammer or stumble, even if what you have to say impresses no one, it impresses God, and he listens" 

The beauty of Max is the way he states the obvious so simply that you go..."I knew that but it is SO reassuring to hear it."  It's like your Father's love.  You know He loves you but you still like (and need) to hear Him say it.

By Grace Alone -

I'll Wait For You

I am shopping today.

I'm not leaving the house but doing it by internet which is particularly hard for some of the shopping. 

The first item was easy.  I needed some more lotion from Bath and Body Works.  Piece of cake.  Five minutes and that job was complete.  They even had it on sale because they're DISCONTINUING it.  How come everything that I like, they discontinue?  I ordered six bottles because of that.  I figure in six months when I need it again, I can actually go physically to the store and see what I like.  

The next item...not so easy.  This weekend I washed the bathroom rugs and opened the washer to find the backs had disintegrated.  Sigh.  They were only three years old.  I guess I washed them to death over the last three years.  (Must have clean...)  They were good Sears rugs too.  Now I am searching online for a color that won't be true on the computer....(I don't care how good a video card is, it never shows exactly the same color on your computer as it would if you were holding it in your hand.)  I'm a picky decorator but we really need something on the floor in the bathroom so I'm going to jump right into it. 

OK, jumped into it and back out of it.  I can't do it online.  I spent 4 hours looking (I'll never get those 4 hours back...sigh.) and found a color that I think might work from Bed, Bath, and Beyond but I couldn't match towels to them.  (Of course, since I'm changing colors for the rugs, I have to have new towels to match...8-)  We will just have to struggle through until this next weekend when I will be able to leave the house.  (Get ready for heavy duty shopping, honey!)

Tom just sent me the most beautiful email.  He had heard a song on the radio to which he said "This is EXACTLY HOW I FEEL WHERE YOU ARE CONCERNED."  He says the first part of it doesn't apply since he doesn't travel but the part below in blue is what he was talking about.  (Now how sweet is he?  That's my soulmate talking.)  Of course, I haven't even heard the song but the words made me cry.  

I'll Wait For You by Joe Nichols:

The snow in Montana was three feet high
The lady at the counter said: There ain't no flights
And so he called her on the telephone
He said: I'll rent a car and I'll drive home

And she said: I'll wait for you
Like I did last year
At Christmas time with your family here
And your truck broke down out in San Antone
And the gifts stayed wrapped until you got home
Oh, this ain't nothin' new
Sweetheart, I'll wait for you

Now he's on his cell phone in a Coupe Deville
Talkin' to the one he loves and always will
His heart is breakin' 'cause she's there alone
Her heart is achin' 'cause she wants him home
She says: I'll wait for you like in '68
When our child was due, but I said, he'll have to wait
Until his dad gets here and stands by my side
Remember, Dear, our son's first cry
Oh, this ain't nothin' new
Sweetheart, I'll wait for you

He didn't stop all day to eat a bite
And he finally got there around midnight
The doctor said, she's in a better place
She said to give this you this note just in case

And it said, I'll wait for you at Heaven's gate
Oh, I don't care how long it takes
And I'll tell Saint Pete I can't come in
Without my love and my best friend
Oh, this ain't nothin' new
Sweetheart, I'll wait for you
P.S. I love you, too
Sweetheart, I'll wait for you

I'll have to go listen to it now.  8-)  Here is a link to a video of the song. I'll Wait For You

Hope everyone is having a great day!  

 

More Cat Tales...

Today isn't as good as yesterday.

Man...I just hate that.

Today I woke up with a fever and extreme lethargy.  I guess the 'nadir' days have begun.  (Lowest dips to the white and red blood counts.)  Tom, as usual, came in and 'tylenoled' me, fed me, and supported me while I had a pity party. 

I thought I was going to get to go to the grocery store today.  Sigh.  Wah.  I guess I need to get a list together for Tom to take with him.  That is sooooo much harder than just going in there and grabbing what I want.  It is easier to see it and remember we need it than try to remember it to send him after it.  I don't really know what the good meats are for the day from my bed either...ARGGHHH. 

Shadow is kind of whiny today too.  Poor Tom.  She was in the bathroom with him where the washer and dryer were going and she was SCREAMING to get out of there.  The washer terrifies her.  She doesn't like that spin cycle at all. 

Then she wanted the window open.  (Yeah...it's 30 degrees outside today but SHE wants the window open.)  I'm ashamed to say we do crack it for her so she'll be happy. 

Lately, since I've been home all the time, she has 'trained' me to brush her several times a day.  She meows, I follow her into the laundry room (where her food and water are) and she jumps up on the counter and I pull the brush out of the drawer and brush her all over.  This happens SEVERAL times a day.  Tom has been dealing with that on the days that I'm crashed and I THINK he's about had enough of it.  Believe it or not...he isn't a natural care giver...especially not to cats...oops.  Sorry, Tom.  I didn't mean to spoil her...it's just like with kids...BJ used to point to stuff and I would just automatically get it for him.  It's all second nature to me.  Half the time I don't even remember following her into the laundry room.  All of a sudden, I'm just standing there brushing her. 

Well, I'd better get busy with that grocery list...I feel a nap coming on and I know Tom would rather get this out of the way so he can relax the rest of the day (well, except for brushing the cat...HA).

Brand New Year

Well, here we are.  8-)  Brand New Year and a brand new attitude.  Ok, maybe the same attitude but a new year anyway...lol.

Tom has been working on making me a happy woman today.  He has gotten energetic and cleaned the house.  I piddled with little stuff that I felt like I could do like dusting the living room and cleaning kitchen counters and he tackled all the stuff that hits the body so hard like cleaning the floors and bathrooms.  Yeah, three bathrooms seemed like a good idea when we bought the house...not so much now...8-)

One thing I did today, since he was helping me with the house, was to clean some knick knack items that only get really deep cleaned about once every six months.  (I'm embarrassed to say it isn't more often than that for the deep cleaning but ah well...we do what we can, when we can.)  Anyway, there are three pieces of crystal items that are cool geometric shapes (circles that hold fluid inside of altered rectangles) that Tom got me for an anniversary years ago.  (No...I don't remember which one...sorry)  They are supposed to have oil in them and they have wicks that you can burn.  Well..I never used them for burning and got rid of the oil years ago because it was messy.  My alternative to that was to fill them with colored water.  They used to be an evergreen color but I dumped that today and cleaned them out good and then realized I didn't have any food coloring left to color the water with.  Sigh.  (That never would have happened during the Play-doh making years.)  Now I had to decide what I was going to do with them because they are a boring crystal 'clear' without color (as you can imagine).  Must have color!

I looked under the sink and BOY AM I CONSISTENT...I found some apple cinnnamon red colored liquid potpourri under the sink that I had never used.  It went perfectly with the burgandy colors in the living room so I filled them with that.  I am always attracted to the 'burgandies' and I must have bought this stuff years ago and never used it.  I am such an impulse shopper...I probably saw it in the store and thought of the crystal thingies but, when it came time to clean them, then I didn't remember it.  Yeah...that sounds like me.  Here is a picture of the finished product. No, it's not a blurry picture, there are two sides of glass on either side of the circle area that holds the fluid. 

Not much else going on around here now that we're totally beat after cleaning house.  (Even Shadow is laying here exhausted from being chased out of rooms by the vacuum cleaner.  HA!)  We have a 'Shrek' movie to watch and will probably order pizza tonight for supper since we haven't gotten any groceries yet.  There is always tomorrow for that.  8-)

The End of 2010

The end of 2010...

It is always bittersweet when the year ends.  This year, I have to admit, I am a bit glad that it is over.  We have all suffered enough.  It is time to look to the new year with new beginnings and new hope.

Last year, brought an increased healing of my mother (who has been fighting some liver disease for quite a while), the death of my father, a biopsy, the introduction of cancer into our immediate lives, two surgeries, 7 doses of chemotherapy, the closer knitting of my family, and the realization that no one lives forever.  Through all this, God held us in His loving arms and comforted us all through the suffering.  We have come out on the other side with our sense of humor intact and our spirits lifted.

I don't know what next year brings but I believe that my mother will continue to heal, I am ever hopeful that the words 'remission' are included in our vocabulary, our family will become even closer, and death will not enter into our lives during these future 365 days.  No matter what comes in 2011, I know God will continue to hold us in His loving arms.  8-)

Happy New Year, Everyone!

Despair, Grace, and Conversion

Each day after chemo has it's own challenges.  This is day 4 and it is always one of the hardest.  It is a bit like slogging through molasses.  It was very difficult to wake up but I knew I had to because my temp was up because I was dehydrated.  I'm not quite sure how to avoid this because I have to sleep and don't drink while I'm doing that so, of course, the body gets dehydrated.  

Tom and I are connected with a messaging tool when he is on the other side of the house (on his computer) and I sent him a 'help' message this morning so he could get me kick started.  (My computer is back here in the master bedroom on a bedside tray table so all I have to do is reach over and roll it to me.)  He gets me Tylenol and water and then works on getting me some toast for breakfast.  He got his shower and then the dentist called to say they had a cancellation and asked if he could come early.  So, he is off to his dental and I am trying to stay awake so I figured blogging was a good way to do that. 

The past three days have been normal for this type of chemo.  No surprises...which is always good.  We only have one more treatment to go and then (I believe) the worst of this is over. 

I was touched profoundly by the Max Lucado reading today.  I have felt the despair and I have felt the Grace that saved me from despair.  Max captured it perfectly.   I'll share it with you.

"Meet the God of Encouragement

By Max Lucado

Has it been a while since you stared at the heavens in speechless amazement? 

Has it been a while since you realized God’s divinity and your carnality?

If it has, then you need to know something. He is still there. He hasn’t left. Under all those papers and books and reports and years. In the midst of all those voices and faces and memories and pictures, he is still there.

Do yourself a favor. Stand before him again. Or, better, allow him to stand before you. Go into your upper room and wait. Wait until he comes. And when he appears, don’t leave. Run your fingers over his feet. Place your hand in the pierced side. And look into those eyes. Those same eyes that melted the gates of hell and sent the demons scurrying and Satan running. Look at them as they look at you. You’ll never be the same.

A man is never the same after he simultaneously sees his utter despair and Christ’s unbending grace. To see the despair without the grace is suicidal. To see the grace without the despair is upper room futility.  But to see them both is conversion.

Come meet the God of encouragement. He loves you. He never gives up on you, especially when life is hard, because he has been there. The hand that reaches out to comfort you is a pierced one."

I have seen despair through these trials but I have also seen the Grace that God has given to carry me through them.  How amazing is it that He loves me?!

By Grace Alone - 

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This...

For all who have been following this blog and thinking, "Wow, this girl is really brave.", I am here to confess something today.

I asked my husband to let me talk to the doctor alone today.  (He normally comes to the room with me and talks to the doctor with me.)  I had some 'personal' things to talk to the doctor about (some things I don't even want to share with Tom...TMI and all, you know) and I wanted to see if I could talk him out of the last two chemo treatments.  I couldn't talk him out of them...and not only could I not talk him out of it, but there was something in the blood work that sent him pinging and asking about lumps again.  He wanted to know what they did about the lump I found about a month ago in my other breast...I told him that it was fluid filled and I had opted not to go to the surgeon over it.  He wanted to see it and then he also checked the other breast and found the lump I hadn't told him about.  (This lump is in the same breast that the cancer lump was in.)  I found this new lump last week but figured since we were getting radiation, there wasn't much use (nor energy on my part) to stir anyone up over it.  He agreed to wait until the chemo is over but then assures me that we will be checking out this new lump vigorously. 

So, I'm not so brave after all...I cried so much in the chemo chair today that the nurse asked me if I needed a minute alone before starting the AC chemo.  She had already given me the Benedryl, anti-nausea medicine, and steroids.  I just caved before the chemo started.  I don't know why except I just didn't want it and felt pushed into it.  Yeah....wah, wah, wah...I am totally disgusted with myself for not being stronger.

I did have a really neat nurse today for the treatments.  We had a lot in common, both kill plants, both have curly hair that makes it hard to find a good beautician.  You have to be a very talented beautician to give someone with curly hair a great haircut.  She goes all the way to Jackson, MS to get hers done every month.  She had a GREAT haircut which is what started that conversation.  Believe it or not, we were joking around while she was infusing the medications.  I fell apart when she left while the anti-nausea meds were going in. 

Tom was very patient through all of it, as usual.  I can tell he is concerned even more than usual because all this is out of character for me.  It is probably all drug induced, Tom, please don't worry...you know I have days like this.  8-}

So...today isn't such a good day, but as the old song goes..."Mama said there'd be days like this..."

Love you all bunches...glad you are out there for encouragement.  I can really use some today.

Merry Christmas!!!

We had a wonderful surprise gift from God this morning for Christmas.  He gave us a white Christmas.  How cool is that?  When I got up at 6:30, I could tell something was different because the sun was not shining into the bedroom.  I peeked out the window and saw that there were big flakes of snow falling and the ground was covered in white.

This is what it looked like out back at 6:30 from different views of the yard:

This is our neighbor Tom's house.

There is a light dusting of snow on the Thuya trees ...(trees growing to the left of the shed.

You can see it's not sticking to the street at 6:30 this morning.

About an hour later, I am running around capturing pictures again to show how much MORE it snowed than it had when we first got up.  8-) 

You can see here that it is starting to really stick to the street:

The bushes are laden with snow.  (I always wanted to use 'laden' in a sentence..lol)

I love the photo below...I'm going to see about turning it into a real picture for my wall.  I love the way it looks like a black and white photo except for the brown from the gazebo.  The snow is falling in big flakes and so pretty. 

Look now at the snow laying down those branches of our little Thuya trees.

Right now (about 2 hours later) we are at about 2 inches of snow.

We had a really nice Christmas this morning (on top of all the excitement with the snow...we've never seen it 'really' snow here in the three years we've lived here).  My Mom gave me this beautiful yellow crystal paper weight.  (Looks like the hope diamond only in a topaz color.)  Very beautiful!  Thanks, Mom.  My sister and her husband gave me a beautiful red scarf.  Thanks, Carol and Daryl!  Carol sent me a little special gift that is our 'we all have one like that' gift of a snowflake necklace and snowflake earring.  Thanks, Carol!  Tom got me the two pieces of DVD furniture, a beautiful Necklace and Earring set in black and white diamonds to go with my black and white outfit.  8-)  Thanks, Tom!  My sister-in-law, Sharyn sent me an angel datebook that is adorable and will actually be very useful because I can write appointments in it and carry it in my purse.  Thanks, Sharyn! 

I have the turkey cooking away in the oven and the rest of the day is ours to play with.  Here is hoping everyone is having a wonderful Christmas day filled with the love of family and friends.  8-)

Allergies and God's Greatest Gift

It is amazing how many ways that my body can be allergic to different things.  I am allergic to all three of the chemos that I have been given.  Then the last treatment they figured out that I am allergic to the allergy medicine that they gave to me combat the allergy to the chemo.  (Yeah, I was choking...[throat and bronchials closing up like with asthma] - which was my allergic reaction that I have had to the benedryl - and laughing at the same time trying to get out the words, "I'm ALLERGIC to the ALLERGY MEDICATION?"  They were cracking up right along with me...although with very worried faces, if you can imagine that.) 

Since I had read in the book that it is possible to be allergic to aloe and that we should do a test prior to using the plant for real, we went to Publix, where we had seen them selling small leaves of aloe in the vegetable section last week.  I tested some on a bite I had and guess what...yeah...I'm allergic to aloe.  I ended up with a red rash right where the aloe had been applied.  No stinging or itching but definitely a rash.  When the time comes to use it on my breast, I will have to weigh the pros and cons of using it.

Of course, I am also allergic to dust, various pollens, dogs, cats (yes, cats too but can't give up my cat...pros won out over cons on that one), tomatoes, and according to a doctor who treated me for allergies when I lived in Texas, I am allergic to Texas.  Yeah, Carol, now you know why I never took a job there...lol.

Here is a uTube Christmas message from Max Lucado:


BONUS CHRISTMAS MESSAGE FROM MAX:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arerWqz5y2A

Very fitting for my life and I hope you see the correlation to yours as well.  Amen and Amen.

Happy Christmas Eve everyone!  May you center your life around God's Gift to each and every one of us during this season.  8-)

By Grace Alone - 

How to Care for Your Aloe Plant Book

I THOUGHT this was going to be an easy week at work.  Obviously, I thought wrong.  Why didn't those people take this week off in conjunction with the holdays?  Crazy people.  They have been ringing my phone all morning with one problem in the software after another.  Sigh.

I am thinking we are going to have pizza tonight.  I don't really feel like cooking.  My turkey for Saturday is thawing out quite nicely though and after we get a pan to cook it it, we'll have us a fine turkey dinner for Christmas. 

Tom bought me an Aloe Vera handbook which will be quite helpful with the plants I will have to take care of.  (ugh...)  The books says that the older the plant, the more potent the stuff inside is.  Here are some of the things it can be used for:

Burns and Scalds
Sunburn
Cuts and Wounds
Digestive Problems
Hair and Scalp Care
Hemorrhoids and Bleeding Piles (TMI)
Infections
Poison Ive, Oak and Allergies
Psoriasis and Eczematous Rashes
Scar Removal
Stretch Marks from Pregnancy
Varicose Veins (hmmm)
Skin Cancer (double hmmm)
Stings by insects, jellyfish, stinging nettle, etc (wish I had had some when I was stung by all those jellyfish)
Arthritis (wow...they drink it for this)
Ulcers (ugh...drinking it again)
Brown Skin Spots (triple hmmm)
Acne (HA..past that)
Sinus (They are spraying it up the sinuses here...yeah...I'm not doing that)
Asthma (breathing in the vapors when boiled in water)
Sore Throat (gargling it..ugh)
Eye and Ear drops. (Nope...don't think so)

Finally, I get to the part of the book where it tells me how to care for the plant.  Basically, keep it indoors in indirect sunlight during the winter, water lightly in winter (OH, I'm good at this...lol).  I don't have to repot because it loves to get root bound.  If it gets top heavy I have to repot.  If it gets root-bound, it will send out more new shoots or pups.  If these aren't taken out for replanting when they are 3-4 inches high, they will suck the life from the mother plant.  (I'm sorry in advance, Mommy plant.)

HA HA HA...now it gives me the symptoms of poor plant care.   They should have just titled that section, "What Will Happen to Plants that Teresa Owns"!!!! 

The good news is that they only have to last through 35 radiation treatments...basically two months starting in January.  I can do that, surely.  8-)  Overall, it is a very informative book.  (Thanks, Tom!)

Hope everyone is having a great day!!

Ready For Christmas

We (Tom and I) are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ready for the holidays to get here.  Starting Friday we will be off of work for eleven days.  YEAH!!!  Five of those starting on Monday will be heavy duty Chemo days but at least I don't have to take sick time for those days.  That leaves me six days of feeling 'acceptable'.  

I am finally past the nausea for this chemo round.  HURRAH!!! Another milestone behind us.  

One of my Christmas presents from Tom got here this week.  Since we don't do cable, we tend to buy movies and series to watch.  After many years of this, we have quite a collection.  In the exercise room, we have walls of movies in bookcases and in one piece of furniture specifically made to hold DVDs.  Since I like that furniture so much (It turned out to be very well made and out of real wood as opposed to pressed board like this type of furniture usually is) I asked for more of it to replace the two bookcases in that room.  Plus a single unit for growth.  The one we currently have has three units in one.  The ones I asked for are a two unit and a one unit to fit the open wall that is remaining.   (See visual below for the three units in one and a cat in the lower left hand corner that wanted in the picture. She tried to blend in unobtrusively, but I SEE YOU SHADOW!!)

Below are the cruddy bookcases that don't even match that will be replaced with the matching two unit piece and then there is room on the other side of the window for the one unit piece that matches.  You can also see our two treadmills that are currently getting no use because of my lack of energy.  We will get back into that when this is all over.  8-)  (Yes, Tom...you too, dear.)

Anyway, kind of excited about the new furniture for Christmas.  (Thanks, Tom!!) 

Last year when we went on our train trip to North Dakota to see BJ for Christmas, I got Tom hooked on Starbucks coffee.  Since then, he has become a regular customer for 'my' Starbucks store that I used to stop at every day.  I used to think I was special because they all knew me and came over to chat when I drove up.  I haven't really been there since September when the chemo started and he has taken over my 'special' status.  Especially since they found out that we are a pair.  (We drove through together once on the way to chemo and they got the connection.)  Amber (one of the girls that works there) sent home presents of VIA coffee to he and I yesterday.  (She sent me the caramel flavored and him the extra bold coffee)  I told him she was his girlfriend now that he has my 'special' status.  I told him I didn't feel 'special' anymore because now I know they treat all regular customers that way.  HA!!

Here is another excerpt from Max for you to enjoy.  He has a great perspective on the night Christ was born.

"No Ordinary Night

By Max Lucado

I came to give life—-life in all its fullness.

An ordinary night with ordinary sheep and ordinary shepherds.  And were it not for a God who loves to hook an “extra” on the front of ordinary, the night would have gone unnoticed.  The sheep would have been forgotten, and the shepherds would have slept the night away.

But God dances amidst the common.  And that night he did a waltz… The night was ordinary no more." 

I love Max's visual of God dancing.  The "I came to give life----life in all its fullness" is a loose excerpt from John 10:10 even though he doesn't reference it.  I am ever so thankful that he gave us such an extraordinary night out of the ordinary when Christ was born.

By Grace Alone...

Geek Speak and A Trip Out

So...a little geek speak coming.  (Feel free to tune out this portion of the blog if you don't like geek speak.)

We have wireless internet at home and, as I said in another blog, we just upgraded our router and modem (all one piece of equipment...Netgear RangeMax Dual Band Wireless-N Router with DSL Modem.) a few weeks ago.  (ref para 6 of blog titled, "Moods, Moods, and More Moods"  found at http://tnt-teresa.blogspot.com/2010/12/moods-moods-and-more-moods.html)

In order to utilize the Wireless-N (which is an upgrade from Wireless G/B protocols) we needed to purchase another item for each computer.  A Wireless Dual Band USB Adapter.  So we got one for each computer. Wireless G only got us 54 Mbps (this is the speed of the connection).  Wireless N gets us 300 Mbps.  I couldn't believe it.  Our hard line only gets us 100 Mbps.  But...I was noticing how quick it was so I went to check the status and saw the following:

I am like, "Tom, Tom....I don't know what your speeds are like but LOOK here."  He just gives that little sideways smirky grin of his and said "I wondered if you would notice."   Merry Christmas to me...HA!  (Oh, and him too...lol)  Then he proceeds to tell me how he changed the settings on the router.  Yeah, HIM!  We've always been a good computer team...he is Mr. Hardware and I am Miss Software.  Of course he is good with software too...ALL RIGHT...he is Mr. Computer and I'm really his sidekick but he lets me play too which is very important.  8-)

Subject change for those that want to tune back in...

I got to play in the grocery store on Sunday before all the people got there.   We decided after listening to the sermon online to quickly get ready and head over to the grocery store.  I desperately needed to get out of the house (Since I had been holed up for 10 days).  I had a grand time picking out fruits, vegetables and meats.  Found a really good rib roast that I am cooking today and also found a nice turkey for Thanksgiving.  I thought I would crock pot the Turkey but it is a bit (sarcastic voice) big for the crock pot so I am actually going to have to cook it in the oven.  It is currently thawing in the fridge and has been since Sunday.  Hopefully, it will be thawed by Saturday.  

Anyway, I'm dancing all over the grocery store like a little girl in a candy store and then we are done and I get in the car and WHAM...totally wiped.  We were only in there for an hour.  I didn't recover until Monday morning after a good night's rest.  I can see this stuff is gonna slow me down a bit for a while.  I wonder how I will do teaching my eight hour classes when I get back to active work.  Those classes were exhausting prior to chemo...can only imagine what it will be like now.  AH, but those are future worries...can't worry about it today.  8-)

Here is our Max Lucado fix for today: 

"Have Faith

By Max Lucado

If your faith is as big as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, “Move from here to there,” and it will move.  Matthew 17:20 

Don’t measure the size of the mountain; talk to the One who can move it.  Instead of carrying the world on your shoulders, talk to the One who holds the universe on his.

Hope is a look away."

By Grace Alone ...

Today is a Good Day

Today is a good day.  (Yes, Tom...it is...ref blog called "Is Today a Good Day?" http://tnt-teresa.blogspot.com/2010/09/is-it-good-day-today.html)

I woke up today feeling alive in spirit and body.  These days are so rare and wonderful.  It's like the clouds are hanging over me and all of a sudden the sun peeps out from between the clouds and shines exclusively on the little piece of land where I live.  God is so AMAZING to me.

Sometimes, it is good to have been knocked down and taken out so that I can appreciate the beauty that is all around me.  8-)  I would not wish cancer on anyone, but it is definitely life changing to one's attitude about life.

My sister turned me on to her church's live sermon (which is very cool...thanks, sis).  Being home bound doesn't allow me to get out and go to church so this was good news.  The website for anyone interested is http://www.countrysidebible.org/live/ and they not only have live sermons but they have past sermons.  I didn't figure it all out until after I had listened to the 12/12/10 sermon on the helmet of salvation.  GREAT sermon that talked about the way Satan attacks our 'mental health' and makes us think we could lose our salvation but if we put on the helmet of salvation that God has provided for us that we will be protected.  I have had several times in my life where I have doubted my salvation (and was even baptized twice, once when I was about 5 and then again in 1991.)  I have also had many crisis of faith during the years when I have been tempted to do some very wrong things.  God has forgiven me through the salvation that Christ provided for us but I can tell you that those were some hard times for me and probably those that loved me as well.  I can be a very strong willed person and God has had his hands full with me over the years.  (sheepish grin)  I am sure I was given the helmet of salvation but didn't put it on all the time as I should have.  We need that helmet to protect us against the temptations and trials that Satan puts us through.  I am so thankful that he is a patient and loving God.  Anyway...great sermon for anyone interested.  Their pastor is a great speaker/teacher.

I need to go make a grocery list now for Tom to take and fill.  8-)  Hope everyone is having a great day!!

By Grace Alone...

Two Days of Random Musings

Hot, cold, hot, cold...no wait...I already talked about that...HA.

I figured out my neck pain a couple of days ago.  (No, it's not Tom)  Another exciting thing brought on by low immune system and stress to the body...shingles.  They gave me an antibiotic and I am feeling a bit better than I was.  Other than the pain, I knew something was wrong when I found blood all over my pillow where I had scratched them in my sleep.  Apparently, I am a pretty aggressive scratcher...LOL.

Today I am working on the last of the laundry and cleaning the house.  I'll leave the master bath shower for Tom because it is too hard on my neck to scrub the shower.  We were going to do it all together but I really don't want him working all weekend cleaning the house.  He really needs a break after the care taking he has had to do during the last 8 days.  I don't want to 'use him all up'.  8-)

(Side Note)  All of the above diatribe reflect yesterday's thoughts and am now finally getting back to it.  I started it during a break in cleaning but by the time I finished cleaning I was too exhausted to finish it.  I am learning to do what I can and not worry about what I can't during one single day.  I sure hope this attitude lasts past the chemo recovery.  8-)

We got the nicest Christmas card from my sister-in-law Sharyn this morning.  She said she reads my blog and she is glad that I am her sister-in-law...what a NICE present.  I'm glad she is mine too and I had no idea she was reading my blog. (HI Sharyn)  It's funny how encouraging it is to know that people could possibly be interested in this silly blog.  Tom's sister has the sweetest heart.  I guess his mother did a great job with the whole family.  Tom has three sisters actually.  Probably part of the reason he can put up with me.  8-)

I am having a bit of a weepy day today.  I probably didn't get enough sleep.  I was awake by 3:30 this morning so I'm going to blame it on that.  The taxotere chemo was much worse on the emotions so I really shouldn't complain about it.  Poor Tom though, he had just gotten out of bed and I came in the kitchen pouring tears all over him.  (For absolutely no reason at all)  He hugged me and said all the right things to pull my emotions back in check.  (I require much comforting and reassurance right now.  I am so glad he knows me so well!)

My mom and sister both chatted with me this week (which was awesome).  They are a great support system.  They both have a great sense of humor which keeps me laughing and improves my spirit.  (yeah, yeah...it's all about me...lol)  I have heard my sister doesn't think she has a sense of humor.  Not so, dear sister!  You make me laugh a lot.  8-)  I get to live vicariously through them also.  They both have such active lives.  My mom just had a friend visit that she has known for a gazillion years.  She stayed for a week and they did all kinds of things.  My sister had them over one night and then another night she and Mom went to a 'tea' which sounded like a lot of fun.

Hope everyone is having a great day!  It is about time for me to get moving around here and get some stuff done.

Weather, Hormones, and Facials

Gloomy Gloomy Gloomy Day!

We're supposed to get ice storms here today.  Someone (before me) had my cell phone number and every since I got it, I get a phone call from one of the school systems when they let school out early.  (Lucky me...)  I turned my phone on this morning for the first time in 3 or 4 days and found three messages on there from them stating that school would start late on Monday and Tuesday and today they are going to let out early because of the ice storm that is coming.  Yeah...delete, delete, delete.  But at least I know what the weather is doing now.  HA!

I talked with my cancer nurse last night and about the way that this chemo is speeding up the onset of menopause.  (Anyone who feels uncomfortable with this conversation can close out now...8-)  Part of the purpose of the chemo besides getting rid of cancer cells at the cellular level is to deplete estrogen and progesterone from my body.  Since I was estrogen and progesterone positive (which means my type of cancer is fed by estrogen and progesterone) they work to deplete my body of those hormones as much as possible.  So...goody for me...I get to go through early onset menopause.  With Taxotere, I had hot flashes and night sweats only in the evening and at night.  (not sure why only then)  NOW...with the AC chemo treatments....goody, goody, goody, I get to have them every hour on the hour.   Yeah, nausea is bad, exhaustion is bad, mouth sores are bad, but this menopause stuff...I had to know when it was going to end since I am getting it in full doses as opposed to the normal person who might 'occasionally' get a hot flash. 

So, when she called, the first question out of my mouth was, "How long will these hot flashes last?"

She actually laughed.

I couldn't believe she laughed but then she clarified her laughter with, "I wish I had a nickel for every breast cancer patient that asks me that."  OK, so shoot me for being the normal breast cancer patient. 

She also filled me in on the fact that they would be testing my FSH, LH, and some other hormonal blood test to figure out where I am hormonally about 6-8 weeks after chemo is complete.  They will also start me Tamoxifen which is supposed to keep those hormones out of my body.   I get to take that for five years. 

She never did answer the question about 'how long'....whatever.

We talked about the harsh affects to the skin that chemo has and she gave me some good recommendations for unscented lotions and talked about getting a facial for Christmas to pink up my face.  (Because of inability to expose oneself to the sun during chemo, it leaves us a bit pale and the drying of the chemo is hard on the skin too.)  She said that would show me how much better my skin will be after chemo is complete and would boost my morale.  She said to find someplace that uses all natural products that have a fruit or vegetable base.  I've never had a facial and it might be fun to go do when my blood counts are up and before the next treatment.  Products suggested were by a company from Hungary called "Eminence".  I looked them up online and will research further later on.

Not much else going on here except catching up with my regular job.  Lots of work going on there.  It keeps me out of trouble.  8-)

Hope everyone is having a great day! 

Update

I've been trying to think of something positive to tell everyone in this blog for two days.  No luck. 

This dose of chemo is worse than the last one.  I remember now why I said during the last treatment that cancer was better. 

Much like childbirth, I had forgotten how bad it is and went right in to get another dose of it.  Idiot.

Tom has been doing some wonderful care giving.  He's done laundry, changed my sheets, listened to me whine, taken my temp and BP at regular intervals, and makes sure I eat and drink water.  He has even gotten intuitive on occasion and not waited for me to ask but checked on my needs.  He is the 'happy' to my days if there is a 'happy'.  Keep praying for him, this isn't easy.

BJ (our son) is wanting to come home and see us for Christmas and I really am not up to it but how do I tell him in a way that he will understand?  If I had some real 'recovered' time in between I would say yes but as soon as I recover, I am doing it again.  He keeps texting me.  As soon as I get some energy, I am going to have to call him and chat about it.  I can't explain things in text messages. 

Well, I just wanted to let everyone know I am still alive since I haven't posted in several days.  Still begging for prayers here...

A little peace found through Max Lucado:  He is talking about God's Love...

"His love covers all things.

Let it. Discover along with the psalmist. “He…loads me with love and mercy” (Ps. 103:4). Picture a giant dump truck full of love. There you are behind it. God lifts the bed until the love starts to slide. Slowly at first, then down, down, down until you are hidden, buried, covered in his love.

“Hey, where are you?” someone asks.

“In here, covered in love.”

Let his love cover all things.

Do it for his sake. To the glory of his name.

Do it for your sake. For the peace of your heart.

And do it for their sake. For the people in your life. Let his love fall on you so yours can fall on them."

I praise God daily for His and everyone's love...you are getting me through this.

The Deed Is Done

All done.

AC chemo number two is complete.  My blood-work looked really good.  The doctor was so excited.  I just told him, "Don't I have an amazing body for healing!"  God gets all the credit for this one.  Your all's prayers are working.  THANK YOU!

After it was over, we went to 5 Guys Burgers and Fries for a really good hamburger.  Then we went to a store in Huntsville called Lawrens that is a supplier for Crabtree and Evelyn 'stuff' that my cancer nurse suggested to get for the house.  I was looking for some good scents for the house to maybe take out the chemo smell that seems to follow me around.  I didn't like the scents by Crabtree and Evelyn that they carried (not very many and they were all flowery...ugh) but I did find a nice Christmas scent that I didn't seem to be allergic to.  It came with a beautiful bottle to put the scent and wood sticks in.   I've put it on the mantle over the fireplace.  We'll see how this goes.  Here is a picture of it.  I showed this picture to Tom and he said it looked like a hoola girl and I said...THOSE ARE TASSELS...now it will always look like hoola girl to me.  HA.

After that trip, we went to the Madison Wal-mart.  (I am still amazed that there are four Wal-Marts within spitting distance of our house...so we choose a different one each time so that we can see what is new in them.)  Then we made a small Publix run to get some luncheon meats and bread so Tom won't starve while I'm down for the count for the next 4 days.  It is already hitting me hard (it is four in the afternoon so it has had 5 hours to slug me.) and I am probably heading to bed after I get this done.

We took a little detour before I could get to bed.  When we got the new DSL Modem/Router the other week, the printer wasn't connecting to the network for some reason and it was just too much to deal with at the time so we had put it off.  On Monday, I got it to show up on the network but we were still unable to print a test page.  Neither could Tom.  Grrr...Finally, we reset the printer to factory settings, let it pick the IP address (Tom had put in a stable IP address previously which it was balking at.) and wala...printing again.  

I am feeling very humbled and not so positive I can do this again but like I told Tom, "it's in me now so there isn't anything I can do about it."  Oh yeah, 6 hours ago, I was all bubbly and telling the doctor, "How cool is this?  I only have 3 more treatments to go..."  Yeah, not so bubbly now.  HA  Humbled again...

Please keep the prayers coming...4 more days of really 'bad' coming.

By Grace Alone...

Tomorrow Is C Day and Humble Ramblings

Tomorrow is C day.  (Chemo day)

I'm not nervous this time because I know what to expect.  There is much comfort in knowing what is around the corner.  I'm ready for the next 10 pound weight to be added to my sack.  (ref blog titled "Crisp and Cold Wintry Day" ... http://tnt-teresa.blogspot.com/2010/12/crips-and-cold-wintry-day.html)  I know it will be bad starting about day 2 when the steroids wear off.  I am ready for it.  I've already prepared my boss for day 5 to be a sick day because last time I couldn't even wake up on day 5.  If it isn't so bad, then all the better.  8-)

Pray for Tom, he's going to have a rough care-taking weekend...

I read today's Max Lucado and wonder if God gave me cancer to steer me towards humbleness.  I am not always as humble as I should be.  I have found having cancer to be a humbling experience.   Sometimes, I wanted to be the center of attention.  Not so much now...I find myself not wanting anyone to notice me. 

There is a girl with down's syndrome that works at our Publix.  She came right out and asked me, "Do you have breast cancer?"  At first I wanted to act like she hadn't asked but then I realized that she seemed to need to talk about it.  I said yes and asked her how she knew.  She said her mom lost all her hair too and is currently going through chemotherapy for breast cancer.  (If her mother had had cancer of the liver then I am sure she would have asked me if I had that...it was just what she knew.)  She was very open about it all and I learned from her that it is OK to talk about it to strangers.  (I still don't think I would initiate the conversation but I won't be as embarrassed to discuss it.)  She was very concerned about her mother and wanted to discuss it with someone. When it was over, I was glad she asked me. 

Here is today's devotional: 

"God Loves a Humble Heart

By Max Lucado

 

God…. gives grace to the humble. 

The apostle Paul was saved through a personal visit from Jesus.  He was carried into the heavens and had the ability to raise the dead.  But when he introduced himself, he mentioned none of these.  He simply said, “I, Paul, am God’s slave” (Titus 1:1, The Message).

God loves humility."

Lord, help me to always be humble.

It Is Well With My Soul

There is an old hymn called "It is well with my soul".  I think we spend a large portion of our lives looking for that place where we can say "It is well with my soul".  I feel that way today and I was kind of singing this to myself as I showered this morning and wondered what the background to the song was.  It is very interesting, actually.

The song was written by Horatio G Spafford in 1873. (I kid you not, that was his name.)  Here is the synopsis of when and why he wrote it (taken from http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/i/t/i/itiswell.htm).

"This hymn was writ­ten af­ter two ma­jor trau­mas in Spaf­ford’s life. The first was the great Chi­ca­go Fire of Oc­to­ber 1871, which ru­ined him fi­nan­cial­ly (he had been a weal­thy bus­i­ness­man). Short­ly af­ter, while cross­ing the At­lan­tic, all four of Spaf­ford’s daugh­ters died in a col­li­sion with an­o­ther ship. Spaf­ford’s wife Anna sur­vived and sent him the now fa­mous tel­e­gram, “Saved alone.” Sev­er­al weeks lat­er, as Spaf­ford’s own ship passed near the spot where his daugh­ters died, the Ho­ly Spir­it in­spired these words. They speak to the eter­nal hope that all be­liev­ers have, no mat­ter what pain and grief be­fall them on earth."

The words to the song and a midi file of the music can also be found at that site.  The part I remembered and was singing though was:

"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul."

I found myself wondering as I read the history of the creation of the song, if Horatio could lose four children and all his finances, who am I to not feel that it is well with my soul when these simple trials fall upon me?   I know that is what God has taught me and I should follow His guidance.  It IS well with my soul and I am once again ready for the next chemo treatment in two days.  It feels like my white and red cells have rejuvenated, the nausea is gone, the mouth sores are healing, and my energy is up.  It IS well with my body and soul.

By Grace Alone

Selfishness

So Max Lucado  had some good words for us the other day.

I worry about my preoccupation with this illness and how withdrawn (physically) I have become from all my friends but I don't think I have become totally selfish.  I'm just in survival mode.  I know this will pass and I will be able to get back out into the world and focus more on others.  But Max gives us a good definition of selfishness and a good look at what God has to say about it.

"Avoid Selfishness

By Max Lucado

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit.  Philippians 2:3, NASB

The word...for selfishness shares a root form with the words strife and contentious.  It suggest a self-preoccupation that hurts others...Selfishness is an obsession wiht self that excludes others, hurting everyone.

Looking after your personal interests is proper life management.  Doing so to the exclusion of the rest of the world is selfishness."

Such a fine line between looking after our personal interests and being selfish but I believe I understand what he is saying here.  I need to take care of business for myself and my family but I also need to step outside of self and help others when they need it.  I can't let my own personal wants take away from helping others.

Max left off the last part of that scripture that is to vital to the first though.  "Do nothing out of selfish abmition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."  To expound on this further, my Life Application Bible (NIV) talks to Philippians 2:3.  It says:

"Selfish ambition can ruin a church, but genuine humility can build it.  Being humble involves having a true perspective about ourselves (see Romans 12:3).  It does not mean that we should put ourselves down.  Before God, we are sinners, saved only by God's Grace, but we are saved and therefore have great worth in God's Kingdom.  We are to lay aside selfishness and treat others with respect and common courtesy.  Considering others' interests as more important than our own links us to Christ, who was a true example of humility."

I pray that God will keep my eyes open to my own selfishness, that He helps me to consider others' interests as more important than my own.  I know I'll never be that perfect but I continue to strive for it.  8-)

By Grace Alone ...

Moods, Moods, and More Moods

Yesterday, Tom and I were not having a particularly good day.  (I could stop right here, but nah...you know me...I can't stop there.)

In his defense, he'd had a really bad week.  They had laid off 35 people at his company and he had to take them out of the software that he is responsible for which created a lot more work for him and he had to take half of the work that one of the laid off guys used to do.  Funny how just because someone gets laid off, the work doesn't go away.  You would think they would be laying them off because there wasn't enough work.  While I know that he is thankful he didn't get laid off, more work at this time in our lives makes it even more difficult.  So, suffice it to say, by Saturday, he was beat and cranky.  I don't blame him at all.

As for me...I had been in the house for about 2 weeks straight with only a trip to the Cancer Center for chemo and then another one for Neulasta.  I'd also had a hard week because 'thinking', on this new chemo, is an increased challenge and there were lots of problem tickets to work through with the software that I am in charge of.  (Most of them were users that were idiots, but they still had to be worked.  I had to verify they were idiots before letting them know there was nothing wrong with the software.)  PLUS, depression had set in because I was exhausted all the time and I had really wanted to get out of the house yesterday.

So, suffice it to say...yesterday was not a good day for either one of us.  That being said, I didn't blog on Fri or Sat because I heeded the wisdom of my Grandmother who used to say (over and over), "If you don't have anything good to say about someone, don't say anything at all."  I also made up a new twist (in my head) on my Grandmother's saying "Things that you do, do with your might, things done by halves, are never done right."  My new saying said, "Things that you do, do them yourself, because they aren't getting done by any little elf."  I was feeling like I couldn't trust anyone to do anything right for me so I just had to do everything myself.  wah wah...I WAS in a mood.

Today, I got up and said, "Let's go to the grocery store this morning before anyone else gets there with germs."  HA!  We went at about 8 this morning and I had the best time. Of course, as always, my good mood fed his good mood which fed my good mood.  I got to pick out lots of fruit. (It is very hard to send someone else for fruit when you don't know what looks the best in the store that day.)  Plus I got to whimsy shop.  Almost 200 dollars later, we left refreshed and loaded with good healthy food. 

Next was the conquering of one of our Christmas gifts.  I KNOW, I KNOW...it's not Christmas yet, but we ordered this new Netgear Dual Band Wirelss-N Router with DSL Modem online for Christmas and we only had thirty days to return it and that would have fallen around Dec 23rd and since we have been having so many problems with the one we got from AT&T (piece of junk), we decided we needed to install it and test it BEFORE Christmas got here in case we needed to return it. 

When he started the job, I went off to do our Christmas Cards for the people I had addresses for and left him alone.  Well, I finished that and decided maybe he needed my support in there to help him along.  (BIG GRIN)

I won't get into a lot of Geek Speak here but suffice it to say, while the box advertised, 'Push "N" Connect' for connecting all your devices with the touch of a button...suffice it to say, there was a whole lot of entering of security encryption keys (22 characters, of which some are upper case and some are lower case, each time) for all of our devices.  (And we have a LOT of devices)  I kept saying "Can't we just push the button?"  Which I'm sure was totally annoying to Tom, bless his heart.

Now he is dolefully watching his Redskins lose to to the New York Giants.  (31 to 7 in Giants favor at the moment which has seconds left to the game)  He keeps muttering things as he looks at his computer screen (which is total entertainment for me as I write this).  I don't think this is putting him in a bad mood but I know he is always happier when the 'Skins win.

Hope everyone is having a great day...I need to start thinking about what great thing I'm going to make for supper from the food we bought.  8-)

Crisp and Cold Wintry Day

It is crisp and cold here today.  I took a picture of the frost this morning...you can see it on the trees, grass, and the top of the gazebo.  (I don't know if you can see it or not in this picture, but those flowers that were magically growing out there in the boxes...yeah, they're dead now.)

The sun is just rising in this picture.  It isn't quite over the treetops yet.  In the distance you can even see some of our mountains.  There are others about 20 miles northeast from us.  (Hey, Tom...aren't you proud of me?  I used directional words like 'north' and 'east' properly in a sentence.  I hope anyway...lol.  One of my personal deficiencies is the inability to find my way out of a paper bag with only one hole in it.  Yeah for a GPS!!!!)  These mountains aren't as good as TN mountains but they are still pretty to look at.

It was funny...I took this picture for the blog today and not 10 minutes later, Tom sends me an email and talks about it being cold this morning but that he liked it this way.  We think so much alike.  It has been wet and cold here lately and we don't like that kind of weather.  This feels like Christmas is really on the way.

As I've talked about on the blog before, I have a Boeing Wellness Health 'person' that calls me and discusses ways to relieve stress (meditation was one of their suggestions...I tried it and told them..."Yeah, good luck with that...I can hardly sit still for 5 minutes, what else have you got?").  They hooked me up with a cancer nurse who answers all my questions pertaining to what I am going through right now.  

So, she called me yesterday and we discussed 'Cancer stuff'.  I almost didn't answer the phone because I wasn't in the mood nor did I think she could provide me with any info that I hadn't already researched and figured out but, actually, she was a wealth of information.  She had a good analagy for why chemo seems to hit me harder each time I get another dose.  She said it was like I started out taking chemo with an empty sack.  Then with each dose, 10 lbs of weights are added to the sack.  So, now I am up to 50 lbs of weights that I have to drag around with me.  She also said it takes about 6 months (on average) to recover from chemo.  So, by next July I should be feeling like my old self.  Hope, hope, hope...there is always hope that keeps me going.  8-)

I asked her about the 'smelling weird stuff' problem I have.  I smell chemo everywhere I go, all over the house, and my sense of smell is so heightened that I can't even stand my husband's cleaning solution for his electric razor.  (This currently resides in the garage because it was so nauseating...sorry, honey.)  She explained that not only have I lost all the hair on my head but also in my nose, which filtered out smells, so now I am getting them full force.  I had never thought about losing the hair in my nose...good grief, I never even thought about having hair in my nose before.  That also explains the increased allergies since chemo to some degree probably. 

Anyway, we talked about other stuff too but suffice it to say that she was just a wealth of information.

My cousin Andrea is going to send me some aloe plants.  I didn't even know she was reading the blog and poof, yesterday she posted that she has an entire yard full of aloe.  She lives out west and I don't know if it grows wild or if she just grows it because she likes the plant.  God is always preparing ways to meet needs, isn't he?  I am so blessed in so many ways that I can't even count.  (Thanks, Andrea for helping out!)

Hope everyone is having a great day!